This Thing Called Life

     After adding up my total for money wasted this month on Starbucks, Dunkin Donuts, the bars, and fast food, I realized I had to stop. $371.65 could have paid off some debt I owe and it also could have been an extra car payment. Looking at my life at this moment made me realize I want things in life that I will have to work hard for and be strict with my spending. By 2022, I want my own house on a few acres so I can have people over for a bonfire and just enjoy life. I would also like to have a better paying nursing job so I can eventually buy a truck. I've always been a hard worker and a go-getter so I really need to be  aware of what I am spending my money on and make sure it is not on useless things like fake hamburgers or sugar loaded coffees. From here on out until I reach my 2022 goal, I will be pinching pennies and saving as much money as possible.

     Starting May 1st, I'm going dark and leaving some people and habits behind. I need to start focusing more on my emotions and deal with this anxiety and depression correctly. Drinking alcohol all the time to help me fall asleep and sometimes cry myself to sleep is not healthy. Lately I've been going out to drink and dance and one thing I noticed is how pathetic men can be. They expect you to sleep with them just because they buy you a drink which is ridiculous. What happened to the good old days when a guy actually asks to go on a date, take you dancing, go for ice cream, and then a cute good night kiss when he drops you off? I know there are still women out there thinking if this still exists. Maybe I'm just being bitter since I got dumped and had my heart crushed but I know one day there will be a guy who thinks I am everything he ever needed and wanted. Right now I'm bent but I'm not completely broken. I still have hopes that there are good guys out there som...

     Working two jobs is something I never thought I would have to do again since I'm a nurse. When my former boyfriend was living with me he paid rent so instead of saving money, I put that money towards other bills and debt to get them paid off quicker. When he left me I was at a loss for words and now I'm realizing I need more money in order to stay afloat and stay ahead. I stress constantly due to my anxiety and now searching for another job has me even more stressed out. I need so many things for myself and for my house. There is no way I can afford to pay my bills and buy things I need (like a windshield for my car) with the amount of money I'm making. I'm not sure if I want to get a second part time nursing job like at a nursing home or if I want something different like waitressing or retail. My main goal is to get my car paid off, knock out my student loans, and buy the things I need and save some then I will quit the second job. I have worked so hard to get to...

     I figured I would share some things you will encounter working as an intake nurse. These don't occur all of the time, but they do most.

     I am taking another break from Facebook yet again. Stalking my ex will not change the outcome of our situation and I need to use some time to focus on myself.

     Spending two years of your life with someone and having them just up and leave you is hard. When my boyfriend first left me two weeks ago I went through the first phase of grieving, sadness. All of our memories, future plans, favorite places to eat, and movie nights were gone. All of the trips we took together meant nothing. Then I got angry. How can he "love" me then just leave. No couple is perfect we had our fair share of issues, but I know that no matter what someone goes through, you don't just leave them like a bag of trash on the side of the road. My intuition told me that he would leave and go home once he was out of the military but I didn't want my gut to be right. I thought he was the one. I thought we would start a life together. I was faithful the whole two years and some change, including an eight month deployment and every under way. And this is what I get. No notice that he was even thinking about going home. I have to pinch my pennies to pay all ...