This Thing Called Life

     For the last several months I've been trying to lose weight and it has not been going well. I think I have found a partial solution to the problem and that is how I have created this weight loss rule list for myself. The rules are as follows: Stop comparing myself to others. My fitness and strength level may not be like theirs but I will get there with time. Stop obsessing over the number on the scale. My clothes are feeling loose but the number isn't changing and it discourages me. From now on I will weight myself on the first and last day of the month. Watch my sugar intake. I'm addicted to Dunkin and Starbucks coffee but that crap has to stop. Also stop drinking my calories! Progress and results take time. I was doing workouts and eating fairly clean and would give up after a week because I didn't see drastic results. This weight wasn't gained over night and it will not go away over night either. Stay away from those who are negative about me making

     It seems like I am always contemplating getting a second job to pay off debts. I looked at my student loan accounts yesterday and with the minimum payments I am currently paying, I will be paying on them for ever. I would like to pay them off so I could put it towards my mortgage or build a bigger shed. I'm just not sure what type of part time job to look for and when they ask why I want to work there should I be honest and say it is to pay off debts then I'm out of there? I also wouldn't want to start a second job, end up liking it, and letting it consume my free time. There is more to life than just working it away. Since buying my home, I have become more frugal with money and I've cut back on a lot of useless or wasteful spending. I do pay an extra $20 here and there towards the loans but it does nothing. I'm sure I'll figure it out at some point.

     Some days I feel okay. Others I feel so empty and lonely. It still doesn't seem real to me that you left this earth. I knew you were sick and I did all I could to spend as much time with you. I still have the birthday check you wrote me and in the memo it says "not for bills" because you knew I always stressed about paying them. I miss working with you and pulling weeds in Miss Pollys yard. Bushes were never my favorite but I would still help you. I miss your advice and life lessons. I miss singing 80s songs together in the kitchen while you're cooking. I miss everything. I miss you. I love you.

     This past weekend was eventful to say the least. Moving is always a stressful process as well as the aftermath. My new home is a mad house. There are boxes, bags, and totes everywhere. I know eventually everything will find its place but trying to organize and do this after work each evening has been draining. Leaving my childhood home of 27 years is hard but I'm grateful I have the memories in my heart. I never realized how much stuff I had in my house until I had to pack and unpack the moving truck. I plan on going through everything and donating things I no longer use or want. I'm turning the page and starting a new chapter.