This Thing Called Life

     I am really struggling trying to get healthy. I went so long not eating fast food and now that I have been eating it for so long it is almost like an addiction. I will go a day or two without it and then relapse. I look back at my old instagram pictures from when I was working out and it makes me sad. It frustrates me that I used to be so healthy and now I am a wreck. I don't want to be this way. I have been making better choices food wise. I am not working out like I should so I'm trying to start slow. Three days a week minimum and build up from there. Cardio will be my focus for now until I drop some pounds then I will focus on muscle groups and toning again. I can do this I just need to find the mindset I had back then.

     After work on Saturday, I had the random urge to finally go to the gym and I am proud to say that today was my third day going in a row! I think I have finally conquered my fear of going to the gym since my anxiety is under control. This is something I have been wanting to do again for the last year and half. I basically told myself on the way to the gym that these are people and I am a person. No one is here to judge me or hurt me. We are all here at the gym for the same reasons: to look good naked and look good this summer. Through positive self talk and focusing on myself, especially my breathing, I did what I set out to do. Anxiety is all a mind game. You have to stay focused and remember that it is mind over matter. The thoughts that anxiety creates inside the mind of someone suffering from it are all made up. They are silly. They mean nothing. These thoughts are there to do what anxiety is made for which is hyping someone up and making them breathe too fast, ge...

     44 days until the first day of summer. Are you ready? I'm not. I stopped working out and worrying about my weight loss a few months ago. I still eat fairly healthy compared to what I used to eat. I've been drinking more water than ever too. But my body is in no way ready for "bikini season". I know I can lose this weight and it's time for me to get serious...again. This has got to be the one thing I hate about myself most. Starting out losing weight and being healthy for the first month or two then slowly slacking, until the point I can't remember my last workout.      It's kind of weird. When I was a health nut, being conscious of what I was eating and how many calories I was burning, my boyfriend wanted nothing to do with it. Now that I'm slacking, we have switched roles. He never wants fast food anymore, I do sometimes, especially when I'm stressed. He works out almost everyday. I can't workout during the day because of my day job, but...