This Thing Called Life

     Some days I feel okay. Others I feel so empty and lonely. It still doesn't seem real to me that you left this earth. I knew you were sick and I did all I could to spend as much time with you. I still have the birthday check you wrote me and in the memo it says "not for bills" because you knew I always stressed about paying them. I miss working with you and pulling weeds in Miss Pollys yard. Bushes were never my favorite but I would still help you. I miss your advice and life lessons. I miss singing 80s songs together in the kitchen while you're cooking. I miss everything. I miss you. I love you.

     Today as I walked up the driveway to one of my fathers favorite customers to deliver a thank you card, I burst into tears. This was the yard I helped him weed and plant cucumbers and tomato plants. This was the woman he spoke so highly of and brought her sausage biscuits from Hardees. She couldn't have them often because of her gout but once in a while he would hang one on the mailbox outside her front door since she is elderly. We would help her move things and put bird food in her feeders. Sodas were too heavy for her to lift so we would stock her fridge. There are some days that I really can't believe my dad is gone until things happen like this and hits me. It hits me right in the heart. It makes me realize that he is no longer here to share is work day with me or cook me dinner. He won't be here to make crabs this summer or attend any more bass tournaments. He loved fishing so much. I try to pretend like I'm okay but I'm not. I try to be strong but I reall...

     Each day it is getting easier for me to talk about my dad and think about him without crying in front of people. The week I lost him I cried myself to sleep each night begging for it to be a dream, but sadly it is reality. Today at the gym I started thinking about how he would text me around three or four in the evening asking if I was eating out for dinner. Whenever I said yes he would reply with a simple "k" and when I wasn't he would tell me to come down and eat dinner with him. I cherish every single time I went there to eat with him and talk like we always did. He would make a mixed drink and we would watch the channels that played concerts like KISS or Motley Crue. I miss those dinner texts so much. But my last dinner with him was on my birthday and the last thing I said to him was that I loved him. There is nothing in this world that could take away the loneliness and heartbreak I am feeling but I will heal enough eventually to continue my life and keep him in...