This Thing Called Life

     Letting my eating get out of control and almost reaching 200lbs was a choice. Eating foods that other people were eating around me when I knew I shouldn't be eating it was a choice. I have been noticing things that I've never experienced before like my knees hurting when I walk too much or being winded after climbing three flights of stairs at work. My bras and jeans don't fit at all. You could call this the summer of dresses because that is literally all that fits me. I used to be healthy. I used to care what I ate and I loved fueling my body with tasty, healthy foods. It is time to get back to that. Lately I've been going to the gym at least three times a week. It is a lot of cardio but once I start slimming down I want to start weight training and lifting. Next summer I don't want to be ashamed to wear a bathing suit or feel like everyone is staring at my thighs when I wear shorts.I want to be able to wear whatever the hell I want without worrying if my back...

     Growing up, I was never really a girly girl. I wasn't afraid to get dirty or play football. That still stands today. Throughout school when I would see how different I was compared to the pretty, skinny girls, I realized that if I looked like them, then maybe I would dress better. Maybe if I didn't have thunder thighs or love handles that I would actually care about my appearance. I used the whole tomboy thing to cover up my insecurity for being fat. I care a little more now days about what I wear because I'm not completely insecure about being "bigger". I do still wish I had a thinner body that I could flaunt in whatever I wanted to wear. I know in a previous post I said I was done trying to lose weight. I'm not giving up. I've made some progress and even though I said I quit trying, I noticed that I was still conscious about what I was eating. I'm going to do this. No matter what it takes or how long. One day, I'll have a good looking body. ...

     44 days until the first day of summer. Are you ready? I'm not. I stopped working out and worrying about my weight loss a few months ago. I still eat fairly healthy compared to what I used to eat. I've been drinking more water than ever too. But my body is in no way ready for "bikini season". I know I can lose this weight and it's time for me to get serious...again. This has got to be the one thing I hate about myself most. Starting out losing weight and being healthy for the first month or two then slowly slacking, until the point I can't remember my last workout.      It's kind of weird. When I was a health nut, being conscious of what I was eating and how many calories I was burning, my boyfriend wanted nothing to do with it. Now that I'm slacking, we have switched roles. He never wants fast food anymore, I do sometimes, especially when I'm stressed. He works out almost everyday. I can't workout during the day because of my day job, but...