This Thing Called Life

     It is so annoying that I work in a doctors office that continues to bring in cakes, sugary drinks, and junk food. Today and yesterday I have had two non scale victories. This morning the first thing out of the receptionist' mouth was "there is bundt cake in the break room". Dude it is not even 9 a.m. Yesterday the doctor I worked for brought bake slices of pie and cake from the hospital cafeteria and I kindly said no thank you and walked away. It frustrates me because every one who works in this office with me knows I have an eating problem and they know I joined Weight Watchers. I am so proud of myself for looking at that cake this morning and walking away when I easily could have eaten half of it. I felt pissed off when I walked in the break room and saw it. Yes, everything in moderation is ok, but not for someone who is already way over weight and trying to get their shit together. I will be okay. I will get through this. I can do this.

     My first week of weight watchers was a struggle. The first 3-4 days I felt like I was starving all the time. Then I ended up eating way too much sushi. I have also been drinking Stabucks and Dunkin here and there but I'm being honest with myself and I am tracking everything. My main focus right now is to focus on eating healthier, then I plan on incorporating workouts into my lifestyle. I feel like my pants are loose around the waist so maybe this plan is working. I will be weighing in tomorrow morning to see if I have lost anything.

     Yesterday I finally joined Weight Watchers. The day before, I printed the zero point food list from their site and realized that those foods were primarily what I ate along with fast food and junk food which has to be cut out. My total point allowance each day is 26 which goes quick if I include my coffee with creamer each morning. Since joining this program I decided to focus on cutting back on two main things: sugar and fried foods. I had 1 point remaining yesterday and I'm hoping to do well today. This will take some getting used to but I feel like this program will help curb my cravings and get my sugar addiction under control.

     The other day I watched a Youtube video about a young woman who lost 90 pounds. It took her a year to get where she was and that gave me a realistic time frame of when to expect to be at or near my goal weight again. Losing weight is not easy. I have been overwhelming myself trying to eat right and work out so for now I am focusing on my food choices then I will incorporate exercise. I started the 21 Day Fix program, got to day 10, and realized I was doing too much at once. Realizing that it may take a year (give or take) to reach my goals seems like a long time but I didn't gain this weight over night. I have neglected my health since my father passed which has been a year and some change. I'm taking my weight loss journey one day at a time and I am trying not to think too far ahead. This time next year I want to be wearing cute summer dresses and swimsuits. Not jeans and big t-shirts.

     For the last several months I've been trying to lose weight and it has not been going well. I think I have found a partial solution to the problem and that is how I have created this weight loss rule list for myself. The rules are as follows: Stop comparing myself to others. My fitness and strength level may not be like theirs but I will get there with time. Stop obsessing over the number on the scale. My clothes are feeling loose but the number isn't changing and it discourages me. From now on I will weight myself on the first and last day of the month. Watch my sugar intake. I'm addicted to Dunkin and Starbucks coffee but that crap has to stop. Also stop drinking my calories! Progress and results take time. I was doing workouts and eating fairly clean and would give up after a week because I didn't see drastic results. This weight wasn't gained over night and it will not go away over night either. Stay away from those who are negative about me making ...

     It has been about a week since cutting out caffeine from my diet and I feel a huge difference. Caffeine can fuel anxiety and I realize now that it was making me sweat more than I needed in stressful situations, especially at work. I haven't cut it out completely but my intake is a lot less compared to what I used to consume. My old routine consisted of drinking coffee (not decaf) on my way to work. Depending if I hit a afternoon slump, I would make more at work or run to get some on my lunch break. I used to think decaf should be illegal but now it has become my friend. I enjoy a decaf cup from Dunkin Donuts once or twice a week. It doesn't make me feel shaky and super anxious like regular coffee used too. I'm slowly making different changes and trying new things to see what works for me and makes me feel good. I'm also trying to make health conscious decisions and caffeine is not all that great for you, especially your heart. I'm taking my health journey one s...

     Recently I've decided to try cutting out caffeine from my diet. This is a very hard task considering I used to drink a minimum of one cup each morning and maybe some during work, possibly after as well. I want to see if it helps with my sleep pattern because lately I have been having trouble falling asleep and staying asleep. Also with my restless leg syndrome, I've read that caffeine can increase the restlessness. I'm making small changes and hoping it will help improve my health little by little.

     Trying to avoid my favorite bad food places such as Sonic, Starbucks, and Dunkin Donuts is extremely hard. It's also hard when I see people eating or drinking things I love from certain places. I have to say no. I have to fight the cravings and the routine of stopping there before or after work. It is hard to try to make good choices when your significant other does not make good choices and influences you to eat like shit. I used to be so healthy and now I find it harder than ever to get back into that rhythm. Learning to say no for a stress eater is like a drug addict or alcoholic learning to say no. It is hard and that is why I applaud myself for small steps like drinking half a gallon of water per day or not stopping at Starbucks. It sounds simple but it isn't. I know I will eventually get back into my mind set I just have to eliminate bad things slowly but surely.

     These last few weeks my emotional eating habits have been extreme. I have gained five plus pounds due to stress and/or habit. I get Dunkin or Starbucks coffee almost every day of the week out of habit. Not only are those drinks loaded with sugar and calories but my wallet isn't appreciating it either. And another thing is the milkshake craze. Almost every night I talk my boyfriend into getting us milkshakes or blizzards from Dairy Queen. What the hell am I thinking? I was doing so well. I started 80 Day Obsession 4 weeks ago and I was loving it. My eating wasn't great but it was better than it had been. And now that has all gone out the window. I have to put my emotional eating to rest. No more coffees every day or milkshakes. Since I've gained all of this weight, I might start going to the gym to do cardio to help jump start losing this fat. Once I tone down I will start 80 Day Obsession over again. I will be weighing in tomorrow morning and taking new body shots. I...

     For the last 6 days I have been doing the program 21 Day Fix. I love working out. It makes me feel so good afterwards and it helps me manage my stress and anxiety. My problem is my eating habits. Most of the time I end up binge eating because I will tell myself I don't need something like a Reese's or a coffee from Dunkin Donuts or Starbucks and then I end up getting it or both. I think it is more out of habit than a need as far as the coffee goes. This has to stop. It's mind over matter. I don't need the coffee and I don't need to be wasting money and calories on it either. Sometimes I feel like my binge eating and cravings take over and I don't have enough will power to stop it. Today I got a Starbucks beverage and I really want it to be my last one for a while. I just want to see what changes happen to my body by not drinking it. I can do this.

     After work on Saturday, I had the random urge to finally go to the gym and I am proud to say that today was my third day going in a row! I think I have finally conquered my fear of going to the gym since my anxiety is under control. This is something I have been wanting to do again for the last year and half. I basically told myself on the way to the gym that these are people and I am a person. No one is here to judge me or hurt me. We are all here at the gym for the same reasons: to look good naked and look good this summer. Through positive self talk and focusing on myself, especially my breathing, I did what I set out to do. Anxiety is all a mind game. You have to stay focused and remember that it is mind over matter. The thoughts that anxiety creates inside the mind of someone suffering from it are all made up. They are silly. They mean nothing. These thoughts are there to do what anxiety is made for which is hyping someone up and making them breathe too fast, ge...

     At the beginning of this month, I was serious about starting my health journey over again. I bought a lot of fresh fruits and vegetables and started cooking more chicken to help me stay on track. The worst part about trying to get healthy again after battling the ups and downs life throws at us is trying to be serious and get back in the rhythm. I was working out 3, 4, sometimes 5 days a week up until recently when something happened to my back. I don't know if my form was bad when doing planks or mountain climbers or if I didn't warm up enough, but my back has killed me for the last several days. Working out and eating healthy isn't a problem for me since I love sweating and feeling bad ass after a workout. I could live off of fruits, vegetables, and salads, It's what I eat in between my workouts and healthy meals that is keeping me from reaching my goals. I have a horrible habit of buying Starbucks or Dunkin Donuts coffee even if I brew coffee before work at my h...

     It is time to get back on track and start feeding my body the healthy foods it needs. I am tired of feeling sluggish and drained.

     During the last couple of months it seems as if I have thrown my gym and healthy eating habits out of the window. I have been eating A LOT of ice cream since the weather is really warm and fast food since it is convenient and it is only me because my boyfriend is deployed. I tried on my bathing suits that I bought and I can see all of the areas that I gained back. It upsets me in a way because I worked hard to be healthier but at the same time, I can only blame myself because I know I have been emotionally eating again and that is not good. I eat when I'm bored, stressed, sad, and lately I've been very depressed. I'm tired of being alone and having no one to talk to. My anxiety has also been bad lately and I have no idea why. This has to stop. I really wanted to look good for my boyfriend at homecoming and if I continue to eat this way, I will look like the old me which isn't good.

      I have changed a lot of things in my life and the biggest change has been my exercise routine and my diet. Before my boyfriend left for deployment I would limit myself to certain foods and really watch how much of something I ate. He loves Chili's, Chic Fil a, and Chinese food so we ate out to those places a lot. It was good I'm not going to lie about that. It is our thing. We eat fried food, watch Netflix, and snuggle in bed. So when he left, I knew that would be my opportunity to focus on my weight loss and diet plan again. This is my standard diet and things I eat and do even when he is here, and my gym routine. I've never been a breakfast fan early in the morning so I usually brew my own coffee and take it to school with me along with a granola bar, yogurt, or banana. For lunch, I usually eat a salad with lite dressing loaded with cucumber, tomatoes, and green peppers. I will also pack a fruit cup with some rice cakes or some kind of chips like jalapeno or re...

The other day when I stepped on the scale, I weighed in at 151 lbs. I'm not complaining because this is the first time I've actually been getting results from eating better and exercising more. I have noticed that my portion control and self control are a lot better and stronger. I don't get tempted by sweets like I used to every other time I tried to lose weight. I've been mixing up exercise routines just because riding my elliptical got very boring. I ride my bike or walk around the neighborhood.  My new goals for August are as follows: Weigh in a 143 lbs at the end of the month Save more money for nursing school Make a good grade in Chemistry class Encourage someone to make a healthier eating choice. 

I know one of my goals this month wasn't to weigh in until the last week or day, but I really wanted to know if I had made any progress at all. I haven't. It is because I binge. The other day my boyfriend and I went to red lobster...that was dumb. But I didn't even really eat that much. I got the popcorn shrimp with broccoli and side salad. I ate all the salad, almost all of the broccoli, and there were tons of shrimps left over. There have been other days too. I don't know why I think it's okay to eat this crap when I'm trying to LOSE weight. I'm so excited about nursing school, maybe that is why I'm eating all of these no-no foods. It may also be because I have stopped exercising as much as I want to. I wanted to start jogging or going to the gym, but I would have to go by myself and I don't want to look weird or anything jogging all alone. Plus I don't want to get snatched up by some creep. I was so determined to have some one go ...

I finally reached my first weight loss goal that I made for myself. I lost 5 pounds, so this means at some point this weekend, my belly button will be pierced! I'm so glad to have finally achieved this goal. There was one point where I would lose 3 pounds and gain them back. I think I'm finally at the point in my new lifestyle where the weight I work off will stay off. Small changes to your daily eating habits really make a HUGE difference. The biggest thing that has helped me keep going and wanting to reach more weight loss is the support from everyone. My mom is my biggest supporter along with my Tumblr family. I am so happy to see these small results! I can't wait to lose more. 5 down, 25 more to go :)

The shorts I'm wearing today actually fit comfortably instead of digging into my muffin top and leaving lines on my thighs after sitting. Also this morning when I weighed in, I lost another pound!! Only one more pound to go until I get my belly button pierced (my weight loss gift to myself). My total weight loss so far is 4 pounds and I seem to be keeping it off. I made a list of things I'm going to buy at Walmart tonight. Watermelon is the very first thing! That is definitely my favorite summer fruit. Plus I love cucumbers too so they are on my list as well. I have some new followers on my Tumblr and it is great because we are a support system for one another. I like having positive minded people around me that tell me they are proud of my new life style changes.

I completely agree with it. Soda is nothing but sugar water with a bunch of other artificial crap inside of it. Having a small soda here and there is acceptable but there is honestly no need for someone to be able to fill a gallon cup up with soda at a 7-11. I am overweight but I'm changing. I understand now that soda is not good for you at all and I do believe it helps aid in creating obesity, diabetes and other health problems associated with being overweight. This is a step in the right direction. If people started living healthier and losing weight, maybe people that receive benefits that don't need them just because they are overweight can be taken away and given to someone who actually needs them. It angers me that people use the "I'm overweight" excuse. Instead of riding in a motorized scooter at Walmart, WALK. Let the little 90 year old lady with brittle bones use the scooter. America has let the junk food, fast food and unhealthy foods situation get way t...