This Thing Called Life

     Each time I drive my dads truck, so many memories start coming back to me. This is the truck I curb hopped in the day I got my drivers permit. "Hey There Delilah" by Plain White Ts was on the radio and my dad said that was a sign I would pass and I did. For years I rode in this truck to bass fishing tournaments. We also took this truck to his work to fish on the docks. There were so many trips to the ABC store. My dad called it the "American Boys Club". This is the truck that pulled his landscaping trailer. I would meet him at his customers yards to help and she would be sitting on the side streets. I named her Whitey. When I was younger my dad would ask which truck I wanted to take and I would always choose her. It still seems unreal not to see my dad driving her or hear him pull up to my house and start cutting my grass or start trimming my gardenia and azalea bushes. Learning to live without someone you love is so hard. Not meeting my dad for dinner afte...

     Today as I walked up the driveway to one of my fathers favorite customers to deliver a thank you card, I burst into tears. This was the yard I helped him weed and plant cucumbers and tomato plants. This was the woman he spoke so highly of and brought her sausage biscuits from Hardees. She couldn't have them often because of her gout but once in a while he would hang one on the mailbox outside her front door since she is elderly. We would help her move things and put bird food in her feeders. Sodas were too heavy for her to lift so we would stock her fridge. There are some days that I really can't believe my dad is gone until things happen like this and hits me. It hits me right in the heart. It makes me realize that he is no longer here to share is work day with me or cook me dinner. He won't be here to make crabs this summer or attend any more bass tournaments. He loved fishing so much. I try to pretend like I'm okay but I'm not. I try to be strong but I reall...

     Each day it is getting easier for me to talk about my dad and think about him without crying in front of people. The week I lost him I cried myself to sleep each night begging for it to be a dream, but sadly it is reality. Today at the gym I started thinking about how he would text me around three or four in the evening asking if I was eating out for dinner. Whenever I said yes he would reply with a simple "k" and when I wasn't he would tell me to come down and eat dinner with him. I cherish every single time I went there to eat with him and talk like we always did. He would make a mixed drink and we would watch the channels that played concerts like KISS or Motley Crue. I miss those dinner texts so much. But my last dinner with him was on my birthday and the last thing I said to him was that I loved him. There is nothing in this world that could take away the loneliness and heartbreak I am feeling but I will heal enough eventually to continue my life and keep him in...

     On Monday January 29, 2018, the man upstairs had bigger and better plans for you dad. I got the dreaded phone call at work that no one would ever want to receive. I was doing 105 mph on the interstate to get to you before they took you away from me. You looked so peaceful. I am so glad that you went in your sleep and not another way. This has already started off as the worst year of my life as well as the worst birthday in history. I am beyond happy that I came to see you on my birthday Sunday after I went to the gym. When I got to the house, you told me there were left over fried potatoes and onions in your fridge and that you had got me an ice cream cake. While I was making my plate of potatoes, you went into the living room and grabbed my birthday check. You even wrote "Not for bills, Happy Birthday" in the memo because you always knew I was stressing about paying the many bills I have. You kissed me on my right cheek and we hugged. I sat down at the table and sta...