This Thing Called Life

     It has been about a week since cutting out caffeine from my diet and I feel a huge difference. Caffeine can fuel anxiety and I realize now that it was making me sweat more than I needed in stressful situations, especially at work. I haven't cut it out completely but my intake is a lot less compared to what I used to consume. My old routine consisted of drinking coffee (not decaf) on my way to work. Depending if I hit a afternoon slump, I would make more at work or run to get some on my lunch break. I used to think decaf should be illegal but now it has become my friend. I enjoy a decaf cup from Dunkin Donuts once or twice a week. It doesn't make me feel shaky and super anxious like regular coffee used too. I'm slowly making different changes and trying new things to see what works for me and makes me feel good. I'm also trying to make health conscious decisions and caffeine is not all that great for you, especially your heart. I'm taking my health journey one s...

     After work on Saturday, I had the random urge to finally go to the gym and I am proud to say that today was my third day going in a row! I think I have finally conquered my fear of going to the gym since my anxiety is under control. This is something I have been wanting to do again for the last year and half. I basically told myself on the way to the gym that these are people and I am a person. No one is here to judge me or hurt me. We are all here at the gym for the same reasons: to look good naked and look good this summer. Through positive self talk and focusing on myself, especially my breathing, I did what I set out to do. Anxiety is all a mind game. You have to stay focused and remember that it is mind over matter. The thoughts that anxiety creates inside the mind of someone suffering from it are all made up. They are silly. They mean nothing. These thoughts are there to do what anxiety is made for which is hyping someone up and making them breathe too fast, ge...

     Thursday I took off from work to finally get my eye exam and order glasses. I have an astigmatism but no signs of glaucoma or cataracts which is always good considering my family members have all kinds of vision issues. I also had my 6 month follow up with my neurologist. I have been seizure free for one year and some change so he decided we will continue with the Keppra to control those. While I was at my appointment I decided to discuss this anxious feeling I constantly have and how recently I've been having panic attacks on the interstate and in large stores like Wal-Mart. Anxiety is something I've always dealt with but here lately it has become very bad. Panic attacks are new to me. I've been feeling lonely and sad. At night I cry myself to sleep. Sometimes I think I'm actually depressed (not just feeling sad type of depressed) so hopefully this Lexapro will help with both issues. I'm tired of feeling this way. I just want to be myself again, carefree and h...

    Anxiety is one of the worst feelings in the world. Just remember to breathe, get things done early so you can be ahead, and if your anxiety interferes with your daily life, please seek help.

     During the last couple of months it seems as if I have thrown my gym and healthy eating habits out of the window. I have been eating A LOT of ice cream since the weather is really warm and fast food since it is convenient and it is only me because my boyfriend is deployed. I tried on my bathing suits that I bought and I can see all of the areas that I gained back. It upsets me in a way because I worked hard to be healthier but at the same time, I can only blame myself because I know I have been emotionally eating again and that is not good. I eat when I'm bored, stressed, sad, and lately I've been very depressed. I'm tired of being alone and having no one to talk to. My anxiety has also been bad lately and I have no idea why. This has to stop. I really wanted to look good for my boyfriend at homecoming and if I continue to eat this way, I will look like the old me which isn't good.

     Today I went to my follow up appointment at my neurologist. My MRI and EEG came back normal. I have no bleeding, lesions, masses, or tumors. He also said my brain waves were normal and that no epileptic activity was recorded. The only bad news out of this visit was that I still have to wait 4 more months before I can be cleared to drive again and that if I was not medicated, then of course I will have recurrent seizures throughout my life whether it be tomorrow, next month, or next year. So he prescribed Keppra. It is a common drug for epileptics and he said it is the most popular. Another good thing about this drug is that it will also help with my anxiety he said since I have become increasingly anxious since my last episode. So all in all, the visit was not as bad as I thought since I always think of the worst. I guess I can call myself a "partial" epileptic since my episodes are so spaced out. Have a great weekend.

     Lately for some reason, I have been feeling very self conscious about my appearance. Not just about my body but everything. It really sucks because it is starting to stress me out. Over the weekend I got plenty of exercise. I walked around the block a couple times on Saturday and Sunday and I played some softball. I also jumped on my elliptical for the first time in months last night. I only lasted 10 minutes but that is better than nothing.I have been drinking a lot of water and drinking Naked. My favorite flavor is the Berry Blast. I haven't been eating big dinners but I have been eating breakfast lately, which is surprising. I get up a little earlier than usual each morning just to fit in a quick breakfast.      My skin and teeth have been stressing me too. I have sun spots everywhere since I am so fair skinned. And as far as my teeth go, I have gingivitis. My teeth don't look absolutely horrible, but they aren't as pretty as I would like...