This Thing Called Life

     Letting my eating get out of control and almost reaching 200lbs was a choice. Eating foods that other people were eating around me when I knew I shouldn't be eating it was a choice. I have been noticing things that I've never experienced before like my knees hurting when I walk too much or being winded after climbing three flights of stairs at work. My bras and jeans don't fit at all. You could call this the summer of dresses because that is literally all that fits me. I used to be healthy. I used to care what I ate and I loved fueling my body with tasty, healthy foods. It is time to get back to that. Lately I've been going to the gym at least three times a week. It is a lot of cardio but once I start slimming down I want to start weight training and lifting. Next summer I don't want to be ashamed to wear a bathing suit or feel like everyone is staring at my thighs when I wear shorts.I want to be able to wear whatever the hell I want without worrying if my back...

     At the beginning of this month, I was serious about starting my health journey over again. I bought a lot of fresh fruits and vegetables and started cooking more chicken to help me stay on track. The worst part about trying to get healthy again after battling the ups and downs life throws at us is trying to be serious and get back in the rhythm. I was working out 3, 4, sometimes 5 days a week up until recently when something happened to my back. I don't know if my form was bad when doing planks or mountain climbers or if I didn't warm up enough, but my back has killed me for the last several days. Working out and eating healthy isn't a problem for me since I love sweating and feeling bad ass after a workout. I could live off of fruits, vegetables, and salads, It's what I eat in between my workouts and healthy meals that is keeping me from reaching my goals. I have a horrible habit of buying Starbucks or Dunkin Donuts coffee even if I brew coffee before work at my h...

     During the last couple of months it seems as if I have thrown my gym and healthy eating habits out of the window. I have been eating A LOT of ice cream since the weather is really warm and fast food since it is convenient and it is only me because my boyfriend is deployed. I tried on my bathing suits that I bought and I can see all of the areas that I gained back. It upsets me in a way because I worked hard to be healthier but at the same time, I can only blame myself because I know I have been emotionally eating again and that is not good. I eat when I'm bored, stressed, sad, and lately I've been very depressed. I'm tired of being alone and having no one to talk to. My anxiety has also been bad lately and I have no idea why. This has to stop. I really wanted to look good for my boyfriend at homecoming and if I continue to eat this way, I will look like the old me which isn't good.