This Thing Called Life

     One of my past relationships is hindering my progression and ability to love with all I have. My current boyfriend is an amazing boyfriend and I love him. He does so many things for me and he makes sure that I'm taken care of but because of my relationship before that, I am scared to fully love and give him my all. Part of the reason is because that past relationship ended abruptly without many of my questions answered. He dumped me the Friday after Valentines day that year and it was not expected. We had been eating dinner together with my father like always, going out, and enjoying each other. It came out of nowhere. I had speculated that he used me in order to not live on a ship because it did seem to good to be true, but he was so good to me. When I had caught him cheating the third time ( I know, it shouldn't have got to that point) I started feeling that I would never be good enough and could never give him what he actually wanted because he would always want more. T

     The other day I watched a Youtube video about a young woman who lost 90 pounds. It took her a year to get where she was and that gave me a realistic time frame of when to expect to be at or near my goal weight again. Losing weight is not easy. I have been overwhelming myself trying to eat right and work out so for now I am focusing on my food choices then I will incorporate exercise. I started the 21 Day Fix program, got to day 10, and realized I was doing too much at once. Realizing that it may take a year (give or take) to reach my goals seems like a long time but I didn't gain this weight over night. I have neglected my health since my father passed which has been a year and some change. I'm taking my weight loss journey one day at a time and I am trying not to think too far ahead. This time next year I want to be wearing cute summer dresses and swimsuits. Not jeans and big t-shirts.