Mending A Broken Heart

     One of my past relationships is hindering my progression and ability to love with all I have. My current boyfriend is an amazing boyfriend and I love him. He does so many things for me and he makes sure that I'm taken care of but because of my relationship before that, I am scared to fully love and give him my all. Part of the reason is because that past relationship ended abruptly without many of my questions answered. He dumped me the Friday after Valentines day that year and it was not expected. We had been eating dinner together with my father like always, going out, and enjoying each other. It came out of nowhere. I had speculated that he used me in order to not live on a ship because it did seem to good to be true, but he was so good to me. When I had caught him cheating the third time ( I know, it shouldn't have got to that point) I started feeling that I would never be good enough and could never give him what he actually wanted because he would always want more. There were females from his life before me that I was uncomfortable with but I was convinced that because he "loved me" that I had nothing to worry about. I was faithful the whole relationship including the 9 month deployment while he was most likely messing around. When he dumped me all I wanted to know was why. Did he meet someone else? Was I not cutting it anymore? Was it something I did? Was I too fat? Did the sex suck? I had all of these questions but the only thing I could do is cry out of anger and heart break. My current relationship is affected by this past relationship because I am scared that if I give my all he will just dump me. And he has already shown me a picture of his ex girlfriend one night when were drunk. A drunk mans words are a sober mans thoughts, so they say. So I am keeping my guard up.

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