Better figure.

     Growing up, I was never really a girly girl. I wasn't afraid to get dirty or play football. That still stands today. Throughout school when I would see how different I was compared to the pretty, skinny girls, I realized that if I looked like them, then maybe I would dress better. Maybe if I didn't have thunder thighs or love handles that I would actually care about my appearance. I used the whole tomboy thing to cover up my insecurity for being fat. I care a little more now days about what I wear because I'm not completely insecure about being "bigger". I do still wish I had a thinner body that I could flaunt in whatever I wanted to wear. I know in a previous post I said I was done trying to lose weight. I'm not giving up. I've made some progress and even though I said I quit trying, I noticed that I was still conscious about what I was eating. I'm going to do this. No matter what it takes or how long. One day, I'll have a good looking body. It will take time but I'm going to do it.
     People used to tell me that school kids were mean. When I would go home crying in middle school and high school because someone joked my weight, my parents and friends would tell me I wasn't. Like I believed that. It was so hard waking up and knowing I had to deal those assholes everyday. I hated school. I begged my parents to let me drop out but they begged me to at least graduate high school, which I did. Bullying doesn't stop in school either, which I thought years ago it did. I just thought kids were mean. Turns out, adults are too. I hear most of what people say when I walk into a store. Especially young skanks who get dropped off at the mall with mommy and daddys credit card. Just because I'm bigger than you, doesn't mean I'm going to let that shit slide. I have a comeback for just about everything so next time someone has a problem with my weight, please say it to my face. I dare you.
     I try not to be a bitch but being judged on just your weight and not more important things like self worth and personality is getting annoying. I'm a great person and even though I'm overweight, I'm still probably one of the most loyal people you'll ever meet. I'm a great friend. I wish people would realize that before just seeing my weight and thinking all I do is cheetos and sit on my ass. Once I finish this nurse aide class and start going to school on Mondays and Wednesdays, I plan to start working out a lot more since I will have some free time. With my schedule now, I only have a couple open days and those days usually get filled up with errands I needed to do during the week that got pushed back. One thing I want people to know before I close this post is the mental damage that they have caused me, especially the assholes in middle school that joked me about my weight. My mind will never look at myself the same. I will never be comfortable with myself no matter how much weight I lose or gain. I will never think I'm good enough for anyone or anything and I hope you feel good about that. Manic Monday has begun, hopefully I get through it.