This Thing Called Life

     Today I took my finals for OB/Peds and Lifespan and I passed! I am so extremely happy. This mod was difficult and I had a lot of ups and downs. I'm glad I overcame my depressive state and pushed on to finish. I don't have class, clinical, or work tomorrow or Saturday and Sunday so I am using this weekend to reboot. I m going to refresh my mindset and reset my attitude so I can finish this program strong. I'm going to clean out my backpack and binder and make sure my planner is updated. The class ahead of us has already warned us that the teacher for Endocrine is a shark and she will even deduct time from the sign in sheet if we are not dressed as "clinically ready". That means we have to wear our hair up, white shoes and socks, watch, and our badge. They even said she will make us write scenarios on the board for a whole class if we talk while she is talking. Nursing is serious but jeez. 111 days closer to graduating and being able to take a small break!

     Today we took our OB Kaplan and I made an 83 which converts to a 93! I am hoping it will bring my grade up a little bit more since I am currently sitting at a 81.70. Tomorrow is our finals and I really hope I at least make an 80. It is hard telling what questions will be thrown in there. 112 days left!

     A few weeks ago I made the mistake of buying myself 3 new bras from Victoria's Secret since they were on sale. I have had to eat toast and scrambled eggs pretty much ever since I bought them. I should have used the money for food not bras. I feel stupid. Even though my boyfriend is amazing and sends me money when I'm short, that money he sends goes towards my car payment and car insurance since I only make enough each weekend to pay my phone bill, school loans, and credit card payment. If it wasn't for my boyfriend sending me extra when he feels like I need it, I would literally have no food or gas to put in my car. I wouldn't be making my car payment each month or anything. I have caught up with the important bills and it would such to get put behind again. I literally scrape by even with all of the financial help he gives me. It's embarrassing. It sucks that it takes eating the same thing for weeks for me to realize I need to re-evaluate my impulse spending. ...

      I have changed a lot of things in my life and the biggest change has been my exercise routine and my diet. Before my boyfriend left for deployment I would limit myself to certain foods and really watch how much of something I ate. He loves Chili's, Chic Fil a, and Chinese food so we ate out to those places a lot. It was good I'm not going to lie about that. It is our thing. We eat fried food, watch Netflix, and snuggle in bed. So when he left, I knew that would be my opportunity to focus on my weight loss and diet plan again. This is my standard diet and things I eat and do even when he is here, and my gym routine. I've never been a breakfast fan early in the morning so I usually brew my own coffee and take it to school with me along with a granola bar, yogurt, or banana. For lunch, I usually eat a salad with lite dressing loaded with cucumber, tomatoes, and green peppers. I will also pack a fruit cup with some rice cakes or some kind of chips like jalapeno or re...

     My grade in L&D went up from a 74 to a 78. Two more points and I will officially be passing. Most of the class is borderline like me, so that makes me feel a little bit better. I know the material and understand the lectures but when it comes to test time sometimes I freeze and sometimes I choose the wrong answers accidentally. Our Kaplan test and final is next week so I'm hoping I do good. I really want to pass and move on. Getting set back is the worst feeling ever. August is so close. It would suck if I bombed this class and had to wait to graduate in October. I just have to stay focused and keep pushing towards the finish line!

     Today in class each student had to present a powerpoint on a chapter in the pediatric section of our book. I had to discuss low flow oxygen administration, oxygen therapy, tracheostomy care, tracheal stoma, mist tent, airway obstruction, and IV administration. It wasn't too bad presenting to only 14 people. I'm hoping it brings my grade up. I've brought it up from a 70 to a 74 but we took another test today (I feel like I did okay on it) and I'm hoping this presentation was an easy "A". She is counting it as a test grade so hopefully it will boost my grade even more. I can't believe our final is next week already. We only have two actual nursing classes left which is endocrine and neuro. After that we move on to leadership which pretty much just prepares us for the NCLEX-PN. This is exciting. I can't believe this journey is just about done. I have been ready to work full time again since I stopped. I can't wait to re-enter the workforce as an ...

     Today was very unusual. My routine for speaking with my boyfriend is fairly the same. We message each other a little bit in the mornings and in the afternoons and he calls me at night. Well today he messaged me in the afternoon and said he will message or call me later. I have this feeling that maybe he wants space? Maybe he is tired of calling me and hearing about how stressed I am or how boring my day was. I wrote him a message saying that I'm going to give him space. It hurt writing that to him but my gut is telling me to do it.  I feel like a burden to him since he pays my rent and helps me out. He knows I want to work full time again and he knows I hate having financial assistance. I know I'm probably over thinking the situation like I do with everything but this is a bad feeling. First I cried all the time because I was alone and missed him and now I cry and worry that maybe he doesn't want to be with me anymore since I'm depressed a lot.  I don'...