This Thing Called Life

     My first week of weight watchers was a struggle. The first 3-4 days I felt like I was starving all the time. Then I ended up eating way too much sushi. I have also been drinking Stabucks and Dunkin here and there but I'm being honest with myself and I am tracking everything. My main focus right now is to focus on eating healthier, then I plan on incorporating workouts into my lifestyle. I feel like my pants are loose around the waist so maybe this plan is working. I will be weighing in tomorrow morning to see if I have lost anything.

     Yesterday I finally joined Weight Watchers. The day before, I printed the zero point food list from their site and realized that those foods were primarily what I ate along with fast food and junk food which has to be cut out. My total point allowance each day is 26 which goes quick if I include my coffee with creamer each morning. Since joining this program I decided to focus on cutting back on two main things: sugar and fried foods. I had 1 point remaining yesterday and I'm hoping to do well today. This will take some getting used to but I feel like this program will help curb my cravings and get my sugar addiction under control.

     Recently I have been thinking about going back to school for Personal Trainer or a Physical Therapy Assistant. I love being a nurse and helping patients but I kind of want something new where I can still people. Nursing isn't like the shows were patients are humble and appreciative. Most of my patients are rude and disrespectful. Patients don't understand that it isn't my fault their insurance doesn't cover a medication or a treatment we do here in the office. They also get upset when they are the ones who are non compliant with their medication regimens and wonder why their blood pressure and/or blood glucose is through the roof. I feel like working with people who need to be up and moving will help me become more active and be creative with ways to help them regain their strength. I won't be able to start right away because I have too much debt but I just want to make a decision that way I can start working towards that new goal and chapter in my life.

     Recently within the last few weeks I have so tired of being a nurse. Between drawing blood, answering calls and patient questions, rooming patients and taking vitals, processing prior authorizations for medications and more, I am DONE. Some patients are non compliant with their medications but will complain about not feeling well. Others aren't patient enough to wait for lab work to come back or scan results. I have spent my 20s taking care of every one else but myself. By the time I get off from work, I don't have energy to work out. I don't even want to eat half the time. I just want to sleep. Nursing is not what shows and movies make it out to be. Nursing school doesn't show you the ropes of what happens behind the scenes when the nurses are doing more than just taking vitals. Plus I am the only nurse in the practice so I have no peers to ask for help or vent to. I love helping people but I hate being stressed and feeling my anxiety go through the roof. I was sw...

     One of my past relationships is hindering my progression and ability to love with all I have. My current boyfriend is an amazing boyfriend and I love him. He does so many things for me and he makes sure that I'm taken care of but because of my relationship before that, I am scared to fully love and give him my all. Part of the reason is because that past relationship ended abruptly without many of my questions answered. He dumped me the Friday after Valentines day that year and it was not expected. We had been eating dinner together with my father like always, going out, and enjoying each other. It came out of nowhere. I had speculated that he used me in order to not live on a ship because it did seem to good to be true, but he was so good to me. When I had caught him cheating the third time ( I know, it shouldn't have got to that point) I started feeling that I would never be good enough and could never give him what he actually wanted because he would always want m...

     The other day I watched a Youtube video about a young woman who lost 90 pounds. It took her a year to get where she was and that gave me a realistic time frame of when to expect to be at or near my goal weight again. Losing weight is not easy. I have been overwhelming myself trying to eat right and work out so for now I am focusing on my food choices then I will incorporate exercise. I started the 21 Day Fix program, got to day 10, and realized I was doing too much at once. Realizing that it may take a year (give or take) to reach my goals seems like a long time but I didn't gain this weight over night. I have neglected my health since my father passed which has been a year and some change. I'm taking my weight loss journey one day at a time and I am trying not to think too far ahead. This time next year I want to be wearing cute summer dresses and swimsuits. Not jeans and big t-shirts.

     For the last several months I've been trying to lose weight and it has not been going well. I think I have found a partial solution to the problem and that is how I have created this weight loss rule list for myself. The rules are as follows: Stop comparing myself to others. My fitness and strength level may not be like theirs but I will get there with time. Stop obsessing over the number on the scale. My clothes are feeling loose but the number isn't changing and it discourages me. From now on I will weight myself on the first and last day of the month. Watch my sugar intake. I'm addicted to Dunkin and Starbucks coffee but that crap has to stop. Also stop drinking my calories! Progress and results take time. I was doing workouts and eating fairly clean and would give up after a week because I didn't see drastic results. This weight wasn't gained over night and it will not go away over night either. Stay away from those who are negative about me making ...