This Thing Called Life

      Back in June of this year I left one of the most toxic places I have ever worked at. There were so many things going on that I will just leave it at that. If you would like more details, check out my YouTube channel  here.  I thought it would be a good time to give nursing a break and take a different career path. I applied at an auto insurance company and started about 4 weeks ago but ended up leaving. Sitting all ay, wearing a headset, and having more than 2 meetings to attend per day is not my cup of tea. I gave a two week notice and have been a stay at home girlfriend since. In the last two weeks I've sent out over 20 applications. One place called me for an interview and they never followed up after I met. An animal shelter offered me a position as well but unfortunately, $11 per hour will not pay my mortgage.  My boyfriend works very hard. He is a bodyman at an auto shop and he repairs some of the most wrecked cars I've ever seen. IT is only fair to him that I make

      Since my previous relationship ended several months ago I decided to get on a dating site and see what guys had to offer. It is sad to know that the majority of them only want to hook up and go on to the next. I have always been the type of person to be in a relationship with one person and I have always been faithful and devoted to only them. Times have definitely changed and I don't expect to be in a relationship any time soon. There were what seemed like some decent guys in my messages on this dating app so I decided to give them a chance. One guy we met for dinner, the other two we met at dive bars so the alcohol would help calm us down a little. I felt like we hit off. We had good conversation, listened to good music, and so on. We even ended up at my house watching a movie on Netflix. After the hang out sessions, dates, whatever you want to call it, I am shocked to find that they ghosted me.       The craziest thing about being ghosted by these "decent" dudes

     This is the end of my second week in my new Triage role. At the end of the day, nursing is nursing but you still learn new things every day. Each day I clock in and check the messages, refill requests, prior authorization forms, and voicemails from patients. Throughout the day patients will call in and each call varies. Some patients are calling because they are in labor, have a UTI, yeast infection or BV. Other calls coming in are for pap results, genetic testing, ultrasounds, and biopsies. Everything I do from my desk is what I used to do on the floor. I assess patient symptoms over the phone and decide whether they need to try over the counter treatment, come in for an appointment, go to an Urgent Care, or head to to the emergency room.       At first when I accepted this position, I didn't know how it would play out. I'm used to running around doing multiple things at one time and always being busy. Surprisingly this is amazing. I'm not running ragged on the floor

      Lately I have been feeling like I am done being a nurse. Patients are rude, non-compliant, and have no respect or idea how hard nursing actually is. They show up late for their appointments and sometimes they don't even call to cancel they just don't show. They don't get labs done, scans done, or comply with diets we give them to help improve their conditions. The work load that comes with nursing is also stressful and frustrating. Constantly being told that there is new documentation that needs to be done in the patients chart as if what is already done isn't enough, drawing blood, random EKGs, answering phone calls, calling in prescriptions, prior authorizations for medications, scheduling and canceling appointments, referrals, and there is much more I'm probably missing.      When I went on vacation last week for an ENTIRE week, it made me realize there is so much more to life than working all the time and caring for patients who have no self respect and no

     Recently I have really been struggling with my anxiety and depression. I work with two doctors by myself and I am also the phlebotomist.I'm literally working just to pay bills. I have never been able to enjoy a check and spend it on whatever I want.  I try to vent my feelings to my boyfriend he turns everything around on me and makes me out to be the bad person for feeling that way or he disregards my feelings and starts talking about his. He seems like a narcissist which I'm looking more into. I have been through a lot in the last 5 years and they have been the worst 5 years of my life. I try to explain to him how I'm different mentally but he never listens. It is a waste of time for me to continue trying to explain how I feel or why I act the way I do. In between trying to live life on the daily I am also trying to be healthier and workout instead of placing myself on the back burner. I'm just so overwhelmed. I constantly battle these demons in my head. I have no

     It is so annoying that I work in a doctors office that continues to bring in cakes, sugary drinks, and junk food. Today and yesterday I have had two non scale victories. This morning the first thing out of the receptionist' mouth was "there is bundt cake in the break room". Dude it is not even 9 a.m. Yesterday the doctor I worked for brought bake slices of pie and cake from the hospital cafeteria and I kindly said no thank you and walked away. It frustrates me because every one who works in this office with me knows I have an eating problem and they know I joined Weight Watchers. I am so proud of myself for looking at that cake this morning and walking away when I easily could have eaten half of it. I felt pissed off when I walked in the break room and saw it. Yes, everything in moderation is ok, but not for someone who is already way over weight and trying to get their shit together. I will be okay. I will get through this. I can do this.