I Am Not Okay

     Recently I have really been struggling with my anxiety and depression. I work with two doctors by myself and I am also the phlebotomist.I'm literally working just to pay bills. I have never been able to enjoy a check and spend it on whatever I want.  I try to vent my feelings to my boyfriend he turns everything around on me and makes me out to be the bad person for feeling that way or he disregards my feelings and starts talking about his. He seems like a narcissist which I'm looking more into. I have been through a lot in the last 5 years and they have been the worst 5 years of my life. I try to explain to him how I'm different mentally but he never listens. It is a waste of time for me to continue trying to explain how I feel or why I act the way I do. In between trying to live life on the daily I am also trying to be healthier and workout instead of placing myself on the back burner. I'm just so overwhelmed. I constantly battle these demons in my head. I have not tried to commit suicide but I have thought about it. The only reason I think about it is because that is the only way all of my problems will go away. I have more good days than bad ones so I try to ride it out until these feelings go away. I have an appointment with a therapist on March 24 so hopefully that will be a good outlet for me.
   

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