This Thing Called Life

     Today I went to the Peach Festival with my mom and some family friends on Knotts Island, NC. My grandma (Memaw) grew up there and she went to Knotts Island Methodist church. My grandma also inherited a cemetery which I believe my mother owns now since her passing. I visited my great grandma and great grandfathers grave site. I also saw the other sites for the Capps family as well. For the first time, I also went to Pearl's which was a great little bar. The food was good, decently priced, and right on the water. Seeing the island and learning about my family history was so fun and amazing. It was such a great experience. Throughout my life I visited the island with my Memaw but going back today has been the first time in years I have been back since she passed. I wish my Memaw was still here to take me around and tell the stories and history of families and buildings she grew up around. I miss my grandma dearly but today I felt she was with me in spirit. I can't wait to

     Today was payday and due to being short this month, I'm going to have to defer my car payment. I hate doing it but it is what I have to do in order to keep other things in line. I need $40 for my copay at my neurologist appointment Friday, my car insurance is due, and I also have to pay my phone bill. Part of life is learning from your mistakes and I have definitely learned from every single one of mine. I'm hoping my job has some opening this weekend and the week of the fourth since I will be off from school. This current money situation isn't working out. I need more hours. 56 days until I can begin working full time again and slowly start putting all of this debt behind me once and for all!

     Desperate times call for desperate measures! I finally sat down today after class to roll some coins for food and gas money because I'm tired of eating peanut butter and jelly sandwiches for dinner. I only rolled $30 worth because I get paid Wednesday but that whole paycheck is going to pay my car insurance. This month I am going to have to defer my car payment (if they will even let me since I had to last year due to lack of money) because now my next paycheck will not be issued until July. It is embarrassing to have to call them and say that I'm a broke student doing the best I can working part time. I am so over the struggle. This really sucks. I have even thought about picking up evenings again for a few hours if my work needs me just to have that little extra something on my check so I won't have to stoop as low as rolling coins.

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     During the last couple of months it seems as if I have thrown my gym and healthy eating habits out of the window. I have been eating A LOT of ice cream since the weather is really warm and fast food since it is convenient and it is only me because my boyfriend is deployed. I tried on my bathing suits that I bought and I can see all of the areas that I gained back. It upsets me in a way because I worked hard to be healthier but at the same time, I can only blame myself because I know I have been emotionally eating again and that is not good. I eat when I'm bored, stressed, sad, and lately I've been very depressed. I'm tired of being alone and having no one to talk to. My anxiety has also been bad lately and I have no idea why. This has to stop. I really wanted to look good for my boyfriend at homecoming and if I continue to eat this way, I will look like the old me which isn't good.

     Being a full time student always means cash is tight. I work every other weekend and my AMAZING boyfriend sends me some extra money here and there to buy groceries and get by. I always pay my bills before I eat out or spend it on school supplies and such. In the winter time, my power bill is outrageous. It will run anywhere from $150-$280. When the first hint of warm weather rolls around, the heat is shut down and when it gets warmer, the windows go up. It pays off to open the windows because I checked my power bill statement and my bill is only $35! Is this real? I had to do a double take. My house is comfortable to. It isn't like I'm sweating just sitting down and have all of my ceiling fans going. There is a decent breeze. This makes me happy. That means I will have some extra money left on payday to get a new bathing suit and maybe even get my hair trimmed. Saving money and having small bills due (none are better lol) makes me feel great. It depends on the person espec

     I passed! Here is a video with more detail and emotion of the hell I overcame :)

     The beginning of this class really had me wondering if I would even pass and be able to deal with my instructor another mod. It took every ounce of willpower to keep going and strive to pass. It worked! I passed the class with an 83. I only have 10 weeks left of LPN school. 10! Technically only 9 since we have a week off for the fourth of July. I cannot believe I made it. I truthfully thought I would fail and have to repeat the class or switch to nights in order to succeed. This proves to me that anything is possible and to NEVER give up on anything I want no matter how hard it may be!