Feeling Used

     Spending two years of your life with someone and having them just up and leave you is hard. When my boyfriend first left me two weeks ago I went through the first phase of grieving, sadness. All of our memories, future plans, favorite places to eat, and movie nights were gone. All of the trips we took together meant nothing. Then I got angry. How can he "love" me then just leave. No couple is perfect we had our fair share of issues, but I know that no matter what someone goes through, you don't just leave them like a bag of trash on the side of the road. My intuition told me that he would leave and go home once he was out of the military but I didn't want my gut to be right. I thought he was the one. I thought we would start a life together. I was faithful the whole two years and some change, including an eight month deployment and every under way. And this is what I get. No notice that he was even thinking about going home. I have to pinch my pennies to pay all of my bills now because he was paying rent and I am not used to that.
     As I sit here thinking about how all of this unfolded, I realized that the whole two years we spent together was real for me but a game to him. When we first met he was living on his ship. We started dating and I let him move in with me. He "loved" me so he wouldn't have to sleep on a ship where he spent most of his time. The only reason I feel he has met someone and is just messing around until he leaves for home in May is due to the fact I caught him sexting other women multiple times and he LIED to my face about it every time. I know, why didn't I leave him at that point right? Because love is blind. I loved him he took good care of me but somehow I was still not enough. The way he just left without facing me makes me think he is just shacking up with random chicks and getting drunk with his friends until he leaves for good.
     What I have learned from this experience is to not let my emotions control me. Crying my eyes out and begging him to stay isn't even worth my time. He made a choice and I don't need to make him try to change his mind. If I wasn't good enough for him to stay here and live life with me, he doesn't need to be in my life period. I'm using this time to focus on my health and well being. I work out, eat clean most of the time, and go out and enjoy live music. I'm focusing on work and saving money. I'm trying to manage my anxiety and depression and I think I might start seeing a therapist or someone. This situation is why good women become heartless. We love with all our hearts and get left with nothing.