Slow & Steady

     Personally, I think I have come a long way from January of last year. I decided to make healthier life choices when I realized my jean size was steady rising. For someone now to tell me I'm fat or need to lose weight only makes me wonder what they would say if they saw me back then or if they knew me what they were thinking. That I'm a cow? Whale? A lot of people, fit and skinnier ones to be exact, don't realize how hurtful their words are to someone who is overweight or obese. Yes, we gained the weight on our own but they have no idea why. Mine started after I stopped eating for weeks in middle school all because the guy I liked told me to lose 20 pounds before he would even consider talking me. That felt like a punch to the face. I fed my food to my dog. Then when my mom noticed something wrong and the hospital threatened to feed me through a tube, I started eating again. It was hard for me to stop eating once I started again because that is how I dealt with my feelings.
    Since my middle school incident,  I've been the type of person who eats when I'm sad or depressed. I'm trying my best to manage my emotions and not binge when I'm sad but sometimes I feel like that is my only option. I just feel like giving up when I hear someone call me fat or tell me I need to lose weight. As if everything I've done so far is useless and I should just stay the "big girl" for ever. I don't want to be this way anymore. I want to keep losing weight and eventually gain nice, tone muscles but hearing the negative comments all the time makes me feel like it's a lost cause.
     To the people who have said something regarding my weight in the past or right now, I want you to realize that my fat can not fall off over night. I won't wake up and be a size 2 the next day after changing my eating habits after one day. I'm making progress. This process is a slow and steady one. I'm taking everything one day at a time. Even though I am not as comfortable with my body as I would like to be, I am more comfortable than I was before. I can see and feel the changes already made in just a year and 2 months. Even though my weight loss isn't extreme, losing the weight I have is weight I never intend on gaining back, EVER. I wish people would watch what they say to others. Think before you speak because just a few words can alter someones mind into thinking they aren't and never will be good enough.
     I'm not going to give up just because ass holes have nothing better to do than be little those who do not look as "good" as them. And I want people to realize that I have a huge heart and really care about others. So when someone is a jerk to me from the get go, just remember I'm not being a bitch to you. I'm simply giving you the type of respect you gave me.

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