This Thing Called Life

     Today is the second day that I've eaten breakfast. I know. You're probably saying "big deal" or whatever but I never eat breakfast early, especially at 7 a.m. I like to eat breakfast around 9 but I can't since I have work. So I'm doing good. I've been eating the Bagel Thins made by Thomas. They are awesome and they only have 110 calories. I only eat half the bagel so that is even less calories. For my weight loss, I'm not focusing too much on calories. My main focus is portion control. I've been doing very well with eating only halves like for sandwiches, subs, and anything else you can divide. I do indulge on fruit and veggies because they are delicious and good for you. I've been trying to drink water as my daily beverage and it has been working out. Yesterday during my class break, I went to the vending machine and they had my favorite Gold Peak Sweet Tea, I chose water. Yes, I chose water! That is an awesome feat for me.      I've

     Oh the joy of being in college. I'm currently enrolled in Child Psychology and we were given the assignment to write a research paper that includes 6-8 pages of research not including the cover sheet and reference page. I love community college. It's fairly simple and it works great with my work schedule. The homework isn't an overload and tests and quizzes for the classes I've taken are pretty scarce and rare. When it comes to research papers, the only part I hate is actually writing the paper and doing my reference page. I love learning and doing the research on my given topic which for this class paper is Down Syndrome. But when I have to give credit and cite the person(s) who said things right after I type the sentence, it gets frustrating and annoying. Plus I have to reread all of the information I wrote down or highlighted and figure out when and where to put it in the paper. It should be common sense that I'm not an expert on DS and I don't know the

     Middle school and high school were tough for me. I was overweight but I was confident with myself until people starting being mean and making fun of my weight to my face. The bullying I endured over those years turned me into the bitch I am today. And I'm being honest. I know I'm a bitch. I'll be the first to admit it but it is because of jerks in school that made me this way. If they only knew how I felt when someone would moo at me or tell me I had thunder thighs. I honestly felt worthless. And to be honest, it hasn't gotten much better since I graduated in 2010. I still hear people whisper behind my back and guys will say "She got a fat ass" as if I don't know this. Maybe if they took the time to be nice to me they would know I'm trying to be healthier and work on my image.      I'm not obese I'm overweight, not that it is any better. Normal weight for my age and height is roughly 130-135 pounds. I weigh 152 pounds (150 on a good day).

     This Saturday my mom and I are having a yard sale to sell my grandmas stuff. Once the house is empty, I'll be able to start ripping out the carpet and putting new carpet down. I already tore out most of the carpet in what will be my bedroom. This is a huge reality check for me because it shows me how expensive materials are. Carpet ranges anywhere from $0.94-$5.00 or more per square foot. I don't want nothing to expensive but I also don't want it to look cheap either. I need to find someone to lay it for me so I can save a little money on labor costs. Windows are something I'll eventually replace and they will be expensive too. I ordered a lot of things I NEEDED, not wanted, from Walmart. I got my vacuum, pantry, microwave cart, and tons of other things. I used site to store and all of my items get shipped to my Walmart for free.      I can't believe I will be moving out and on my own. It's exciting but scary at the same time. I still need to get money to

     September was a horrible month. My grandmas health declined terribly and she ended up passing away. I feel as if part of my heart has been torn out of my chest. I don't have energy, I'm not as happy as I used to be, and I feel different. I don't know what this feeling is. I don't know if it is anger, sadness, or depression. Maybe it is guilt. I feel so guilty that I didn't quit my job to live with my grandma to take care of her. I should of done so because that is what my gut told me to do. It's normal to feel different after someone passes who was such an inspiration to you right? I'm allowed to randomly break down and cry or get happy when I see things she loved right? How do I deal with this? Every night I tell her goodnight and tell her how lonely I feel. She isn't there to ask me about the weather or if I'm still in college. She isn't sitting in her chair waiting for me to walk in her door so she can call me darling. I just feel differe