Feeling Miserable

     When I first got dumped I put on this front like I'm okay but in reality I'm not. I was drinking alcohol like a fish, taking Xanax when I didn't need it, and I was seeking attention from guys for all of the wrong reasons. I'm miserable. I feel like no one wants me and I'm going to die alone. All I do is work and to occupy my time and mind I've been trying to find another part time job just so I can be around people and feel less pathetic. It completely sucks when you love someone and give them your all and then they just leave you like you never mattered or even existed in their life. The truth of the matter is that I'm not ready to move on or meet guys. I don't even want a booty call. I want to share life with someone and build memories. I want to get married some day and have kids. At this point in my life, which is a really low point, I feel like none of that will ever happen because no one wants me. I'm depressed but I haven't resorted back to Xanax and drinking. Instead I cry myself to sleep or watch chick flicks and wish I had love like they have, even though it is just a movie. Loneliness is a horrible feeling. I miss having someone to come home to and cook for or do their laundry. The old saying time heals everything keeps getting repeated in my head but I keep wondering how long. This break up happened in February and I keep thinking about things I should of said or possibly done to change things. I also start overthinking like what if he never loved me since he just left the way he did. Was I ever good enough? Was I just an excuse for him not to live on a ship? I really want to put all of this behind me but it is so hard because I truly loved him. Time needs to hurry up and heal me so I can move on with life. I want to be done dwelling over things I know that I cannot change. What's done is done, it is what it is.

Comments

  1. AnonymousMay 13, 2017 at 9:46 AM

    Smile, think positive! Take the negativity and put that in a box and lock it up and toss it overboard. Your prince will come when you least expect it and will enjoy all your great qualities and the love that you have.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. AmbieMay 14, 2017 at 10:05 AM

      Thank you so much! I am trying. Each day is getting easier for me :)

      Delete

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

My Duties As A SAHG (Stay At Home Girlfriend)

      Back in June of this year I left one of the most toxic places I have ever worked at. There were so many things going on that I will just leave it at that. If you would like more details, check out my YouTube channel  here.  I thought it would be a good time to give nursing a break and take a different career path. I applied at an auto insurance company and started about 4 weeks ago but ended up leaving. Sitting all ay, wearing a headset, and having more than 2 meetings to attend per day is not my cup of tea. I gave a two week notice and have been a stay at home girlfriend since. In the last two weeks I've sent out over 20 applications. One place called me for an interview and they never followed up after I met. An animal shelter offered me a position as well but unfortunately, $11 per hour will not pay my mortgage.  My boyfriend works very hard. He is a bodyman at an auto shop and he repairs some of the most wrecked cars I've ever seen. IT is only fair to him that I make
Read more

Triage Nurse Duties

     This is the end of my second week in my new Triage role. At the end of the day, nursing is nursing but you still learn new things every day. Each day I clock in and check the messages, refill requests, prior authorization forms, and voicemails from patients. Throughout the day patients will call in and each call varies. Some patients are calling because they are in labor, have a UTI, yeast infection or BV. Other calls coming in are for pap results, genetic testing, ultrasounds, and biopsies. Everything I do from my desk is what I used to do on the floor. I assess patient symptoms over the phone and decide whether they need to try over the counter treatment, come in for an appointment, go to an Urgent Care, or head to to the emergency room.       At first when I accepted this position, I didn't know how it would play out. I'm used to running around doing multiple things at one time and always being busy. Surprisingly this is amazing. I'm not running ragged on the floor
Read more

Step Away From the Cake

     It is so annoying that I work in a doctors office that continues to bring in cakes, sugary drinks, and junk food. Today and yesterday I have had two non scale victories. This morning the first thing out of the receptionist' mouth was "there is bundt cake in the break room". Dude it is not even 9 a.m. Yesterday the doctor I worked for brought bake slices of pie and cake from the hospital cafeteria and I kindly said no thank you and walked away. It frustrates me because every one who works in this office with me knows I have an eating problem and they know I joined Weight Watchers. I am so proud of myself for looking at that cake this morning and walking away when I easily could have eaten half of it. I felt pissed off when I walked in the break room and saw it. Yes, everything in moderation is ok, but not for someone who is already way over weight and trying to get their shit together. I will be okay. I will get through this. I can do this.
Read more