Rant/updates

I have kind of given up. I have no time for the gym/working out like I want to. I still try to make better choices on my foods and portion sizes. It gets annoying when you try so hard to lose some weight and then when you step on the scale, you either didn't lose any or you lost 2 or 3 pounds at the most. I wish after exercising and eating right results were instant. It makes me feel hopeless when I try so hard and get no where. Maybe there is something wrong with my thyroid gland or something. I rarely ever eat junk food. The other day I bought the small bag of flaming hot Cheetos from 7-11 and I snacked on them for 3 days. If I was my old self, (which I'm trying not to be again), I would have eaten the whole bag as soon as I bought it.
I honestly hate my body. I always try to encourage everyone to love themselves but I'm truly unhappy with the way I look. When I look at my disgusting legs and fat stomach I want to cry. But I know crying won't shed the flab. For once in my life I wish I could just walk outside wearing anything I wanted without worrying whether people are staring at my cellulite or muffin top. I would love to have a flat stomach, not abs (although that would be nice) and toned, beautiful legs that don't jiggle when I walk or run. 
I know writing about it makes me seem like a sob and I know I'm the only person that can make these "wishes" for my body come true. If it was up to me, I would go to the gym everyday, but since my mom and dad don't pay for everything like some people, I can't. I know I have mentioned this before, but I work full time, go to school part time, take care of my grandma and a bunch of other things for others. I hardly have any "me" time. If I had "me" time, I would workout for at least one hour, go to school full time and work part time. 
So why not quit and work part time and go to school full time you ask? I make good money at my job and my job is a desk job so on "down time" I can get my homework done.Plus I have computer access so I can Google anything I need for my classes. I love the environment I work in and the people are great too. The main issue is the money. I can't go from what I'm making now to minimum wage which is $7.25 an hour. I like to buy clothes and have enough left over to put in my savings for nursing school and pay for anything else I HAVE to have. I am 20 years old and I fell/act like I'm 35 years old. I should be having fun and enjoying myself but instead I'm working all the time and doing homework.
The only upside to working part time would be less stress. I would be much happier if I could sleep in and go to work somewhere at like 10 a.m. and get off in time for school. Focusing on my grades is important to me and if I could focus more on school, I would make A's and B's, not mediocre grades just to get by.Since I want to transfer to Sentara College of Health Sciences, I need 46 credits to do so. So far, in my first semester of college I have only completed one class that goes towards that list because I have to take a bunch of refresher courses. If I continue at this rate, I will get my education done within like 10 years. I would like to be done in 2 or 3.I honestly doubt that will ever happen because I feel that if I quit full time work and go to school full time, I will disappoint my family. The only reason I have chose to get where I am today is so my family will be proud.
I don't want to disappoint anyone because I know the feeling and I hate it. I don't know if I should work this job through the summer then quit to go to school full time or if I should just stick it out and keep this schedule. This debate sucks. To be happy or unhappy? That is the question.


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