This Thing Called Life

     This weekend my dad needed some help mulching and trimming bushes for some of his customers. Today wasn't as bad as yesterday. The house we mulched and did bushes for yesterday was on a hill and they had bushes by the water. Since my dad is particular about spreading the mulch a certain way it was my job to load the wheelbarrow with mulch and take it to him. So back and fourth I went. The wheelbarrow was so heavy and with sun bearing down on me it didn't help much. My legs are on fire. It beat going to the gym though. I also got sunburned on my calves, neck, and shoulders. My face isn't too bad. Today we had some bushes to do and then we went to another house to pull a whole bunch of weeds. We didn't finish so we will end up going back there sometime during the week. It was all worth it though. I even got a tip from one of the customers because they saw me working my ass off. I made $130 total which is what I make working the weekend as a CNA. I have $0.67 in my ch

     Warm weather is finally here and my body is not where I want it to be. I started off strong when I first signed up for the gym and then like most, I fell off. I've been so busy with school and trying to pass this class it is kind of hard to think about the gym. I wish my thighs were more toned and my stomach was a little bit more flat but this is all on me. Bathing suit season is pretty much here since the pools always open up on or around Memorial day. I think once I pass this class or if I even get close to passing, I will pick the gym back up. My body looks better to me now then it ever has but it could be better. Oh and since I'm so stressed out I have been turning to my weakness (soda) for comfort which is BAD. I did so well drinking water and now this bad habit is back. I have to stop this. I want to look cute in my bikini this summer. I've worked hard to get to weight/shape I'm at now. I don't want to gain the weight back and be uncomfortable.

     I've been looking into LPN-BSN bridge programs in my area and most if not all of them require Statistics and/or Chemistry. Math is my weakest point. I failed Algebra in high school like two or three times. If I pay off my community college, re-apply if I need to and then start my prerequisites there, I will need to take these math remediation classes that they require before taking an actual math class I need such as Statistics. I really want to go back for my Bachelors at some point because I would love to specialize and work in labor and delivery and postpartum on a mother-baby unit. After that last OB mod and going to the L&D ward, it made me realize I want my Bachelors regardless. LPNs are great, I can't wait to graduate and start working as one. Having your Bachelors will open even more opportunities. It all boils down to whether or not I want to take all of that math just to take the actual math classes I need along with microbiology, anatomy and physiology, and

     Today we took our Pharm 2 Kaplan and I got an 80! That converts to a 94 so it brought my grade up from a 68 to a 74! We still have our Immune test next week and our final the week after so if I get 80 or above on both of those, I just might be able to pass by. This really gives me hope. I'm so glad I didn't quit earlier this week and switch to nights. I feel like I can do this. Regardless, I'm not going down (or passing) this class without a fight!

     Yesterday I ended up leaving my endocrine class early because every one bombed her test yet again except for three people. I left because I'm failing the class with a 66 and Kaplan is tomorrow and if I don't pass it along with the next test and final, I will fail and have to repeat this class. I was very discouraged and upset. I study a lot for her tests and when I fail it is like I wasted brain power for nothing. When I study I make flash cards, highlight in the book and even write in it, and I also study with my classmates. If everyone is pretty much failing the class then there is one common denominator here and it isn't us. I debated on even finishing the term because it will be a waste if I spend all of this time going to clinical and class and have to end up repeating it all over. It took everything in me to wake up this morning and go to clinical. So my new plan is to ride out this term regardless if I fail or pass. If I pass, GREAT! I will only have 10 weeks le

     It is taking every ounce of me to continue this program and finish. 95 days is not very long but battling depression during the process makes everything ten times harder. I am depressed because I have no life, no money, my boyfriend is deployed, and I hate having all of this debt lingering over my head. Plus I can't contribute to my relationship financially due to going to school full time instead of working. I t really sucks that my job doesn't need me on the days I have off from school and clinical. I'm willing to work they just don't need me. I know I've talked about this crap over and over again but it bothers me. 95% of my attitude, sadness, and stress would disappear if I could actually pay this debt off and start making a decent paycheck I want to be able to buy a lot of groceries to cook nice meals for me and my boyfriend. I want to be able to buy him anything he needs or wants. I want to be able to by myself new nursing supplies or Vera Bradley bags. I

     Sitting here on my laptop filling out surveys makes me realize I would be 95% happier if I could actually start paying off some of this debt. I do surveys and stuff on Cashcrate but I want to be able to pay multiple bills at one time. I know I complain about this all the time but it seriously frustrates me. I have a lot of bills that aren't priorities like my car payment, car insurance and such. I want to start paying off my medical bills and I would love to pay off my community college. I send $10-$15 here and there when I can but I'm starting to wonder if that strategy is even worth it. What if I just saved up the total amount I owe for these places that aren't charging me interest (thank you). Some are charging me interest but I try not letting it bother me. I'm also very frustrated because my personal property tax was just sent to me, a nice $129. Where the hell am I going to find that? My money tree? Yeah, okay. The crazy thing is that I thought nursing schoo

     I decided to look at my bank account statement for the month of April and I even glanced at this month too, even though it has just started. I decided to add up all of the money I've wasted on fast food and at other places like my bras from Victoria's Secret ($63.60) during this month and last month. So Aprils total amounted to $208.79. I went to Dunkin Donuts A LOT. I'm sorry but I love their caramel lattes. That is where the main source of spending went, aside from Victoria's Secret. Other than that, I went to McDonald's a few times for apple pies and a McFlurry, 7-11 for junk food (I am so bad), and a few other fast food places probably on the way home from school or during lunch since I was too lazy to pack something or just didn't have enough to buy groceries that week. My total for May so far amounts to $51.75. It is only the 5th day....what the hell? It is all fast food once again. The grand total between last month and this month is $260.54! That is

     During class today I realized that people care about things and worry about things they shouldn't. I keep to myself 99% of the time. If I say my piece on a situation it is most likely because you pressed my buttons somehow. I may not talk much and my resting bitch face is always on point but I'm always listening. People need to stop worrying about what others are doing and start focusing on themselves. These last couple of mods I have became closer to some of my classmates but they know my true team is composed of me, myself and I and that is it. I don't ask others for homework answers or copy work. If I can take the time to complete my projects and assignments, so can you. This is nursing school. This is the real deal. Expecting to go through nursing school not doing hundreds of tests, drug cards, and assignments is ridiculous. Nursing is more than just throwing medicine in a cup and asking someone if they feel sick today. Putting myself first during this program has

     With today being the first day of May and tomorrow is the first day of my new mod, I am beginning with a new outlook and mindset. I am not going to get caught up in the gossip my class is involved in or worry about what others are doing (not like I have done that anyways). I'm going to study very hard and strive to make and maintain an A in this class. Even though the classes ahead of us have warned us about the instructor, I want to learn as much as possible. After this class I will have Neurology and then leadership then I graduate! I cannot believe I am actually this close to finally becoming a LPN. This has been a tough journey along with dealing with other life obstacles like deployment, finances, and depression. But I know that this experience will only make me a stronger person and it will prove to myself and others that I can do anything I set my mind to. I am unstoppable. I can do this and I will do this.