This Thing Called Life

     Last night was the last class for the lecture portion of my nurse aide course. We start clinical on Monday! I'm so excited and nervous but I'm ready to put the skills I've learned to work. My classmates are awesome. Last night we practiced for our state exam and we all did very well. It was kind of nerve racking. I tried not to think about everything all at once or how much time I was spending on a skill. The one thing I did notice as I started each skill is the fact that all of the steps started rolling into my head as soon as I was done with the steps. I was hoping I wouldn't draw a blank and I didn't. I am so proud of myself and I think everyone else in my class should be proud of themselves as well. We worked hard for this. We juggled jobs, kids, and other every day life things along with completing this part of the course. Now we are onto to bigger and brighter things. We actually get to start helping people and start our healthcare careers.      When I t

     Tonight in my cna class we will get checked off on the last 2 skills we have left. We're also getting a six foot sub to eat as a reward for our hard work. Tomorrow is our last lecture class ever and we start clinical on Monday! I'm pretty excited and nervous at the same time. I hope I don't screw up too bad at the home where we do our clinical. I just wish I knew for sure if I was going to pass state because I need to register for my fall classes soon. I think I may go ahead and stick with evening classes for that semester just in case I fail. That way I can still work here at this job and attend school while practicing for my re-test. It's kind of nerve racking. You don't know what skills they are going to test you on and you only have 25 minutes to complete all 5. Hopefully I don't mess up because every minute counts.      I have everything ready to go for clinical. My scrubs, shoes, and underwear. I bought nude colored because they are REALLY see-throug

     Growing up, I was never really a girly girl. I wasn't afraid to get dirty or play football. That still stands today. Throughout school when I would see how different I was compared to the pretty, skinny girls, I realized that if I looked like them, then maybe I would dress better. Maybe if I didn't have thunder thighs or love handles that I would actually care about my appearance. I used the whole tomboy thing to cover up my insecurity for being fat. I care a little more now days about what I wear because I'm not completely insecure about being "bigger". I do still wish I had a thinner body that I could flaunt in whatever I wanted to wear. I know in a previous post I said I was done trying to lose weight. I'm not giving up. I've made some progress and even though I said I quit trying, I noticed that I was still conscious about what I was eating. I'm going to do this. No matter what it takes or how long. One day, I'll have a good looking body.

     My cna lecture portion is coming to a close quickly. We have to get checked off on 6 skills tonight. Last night I got checked off on 3. I didn't get checked off on the "use of a bedpan" skill because of people laughing and screwing around. It completely threw off my concentration. It pissed me off. I try to be respectful when people are getting checked off and I thought that was pretty rude. So I plan on doing that one again tonight along with counting respirations, radial pulse, and a few others. I haven't practiced any of the other skills I didn't mention. She showed us how to feed them with the food tray but I forgot what she did already. And the other ones like foot care and mouth care are pretty easy. I saw some people perform those last night. I kind of just want to get this cna class out of the way already. It drains me to sit at work for 7 hours and then go there and learn so much in one sitting. I really hope I pass the state exam.      I'm pret

     It's time to take my vacation jar off of the back burner and really start saving. I need a break from everything. Work, school, and my family issues. My brain feels like scrambled eggs. I was hoping to go to Pensacola Beach at the end of August but I only have $70 saved up for it and the fall semester starts on August 22. Sometimes I wish I could of taken a different path in life. Like maybe be less mature and enjoy life a little more rather than stressing out over EVERYTHING. I've got to do something soon or else I'm going to end up in the mental institution. Last night in class we learned that someone can develop a mental illness from stressing too much...um hello. That is me completely. I don't want to go insane. I just want to be happy. I'm really hoping and praying that life goes in my favor. I hope to do great in nurse aide clinical and pass my state exam. I want to work part time as a nurse aide while going to school during the day, not evenings, on Mond

     Work gets in the way of a lot of things. School just so happens to be the one thing it always interferes with for me. I was looking at the fall semester schedule for the general biology class I need to take just in order to take Microbiology. The days work out great. There is a Monday-Wednesday class in the evening just in case I don't pass my cna exam on time. But the lab is only offered in the morning or during the time on day when I would have lecture. What kind of crap is that? That doesn't help me out at all and I'm not ready to take Anatomy and Physiology 1&2 yet so that is a no go. So I went ahead and put Child Psychology in my cart just in case I fail the state exam. The only issue with me taking Child Psychology now is that it will throw me off and add another semester to my schooling because I planned on taking that and Social Ethics in the same semester.      Today at work I looked at the calender trying to  figure out when my last day would be if I pas

     The last time I calculated how much I needed in order to pay for my A.A.S degree out of pocket was a lot. I think it was around $15,000. I jut went back onto my community college website and re-calculated my costs. It was near $11,000. I guess the last time I added it up I was being really cautious just in case I needed to pay more for certain things like books or my uniforms. This is kind of good news. It's still a lot of money but it isn't as much. I only have 6 pre-reqs left before I can apply to nursing program. I really hope I get accepted. I plan on getting my BSN from Sentara if you're employed with them it's about $9,000 and if you aren't it's about $13,000. My first semester of college I told myself I would do whatever I could do to pay out of pocket for school and materials and stay away from student loans. I really need to start saving more money in order for me to do that. I only have about $1500 in my savings now and that will pay for my micro-

     Last week, I discovered a hole in the ass of my favorite shorts. So this weekend I decided that I deserved some new shorts. Since I had been feeling good about myself and feeling like I lost weight, I decided to pick up size 11 shorts. I figured that they would fit because the size 13 shorts I had on at that moment were really loose. WRONG. I could barely button them. The cuffs were cutting the circulation off in my thighs. I looked in the mirror and started crying. All the work I've done and progress I thought I had made seemed non-existent. I always try to be positive and strong but I'm done. No matter what I do or what changes I make, I'll always be fat. I'm never going to have time to work out because I'm always fucking working or going to class after work. Sleep is more important to me so I will never be the type of person to get up early to work out. I just think being fat is my calling.      I know I shouldn't give up. Looking in the dressing room m

     After work today I have to get my final TB test for the nurse aide program. It's only $20 where I go so my wallet appreciates that. Then I have to go to the scrub store to return my bottoms for the second time. This time, I'm trying EVERYTHING on in the store before I leave. For those of you who have never bought scrubs like myself, make sure you try them on. The sizing (Cherokee is my brand) is completely different than regular clothing. Tropical storm Andrea is making her way to Virginia. The rain sucks, especially since I have to sit in the office ALL DAY. I'd rather be home sleeping. I saw the weather this morning and it looks like my area should expect rain until Wednesday.  This rain sucks. I was hoping to go to the local carnival but those plans can go out the window.      My feet are finally getting pampered. I'm going to get a pedicure for the first time in 3 years tomorrow. I haven't decided if I want the french tip or a pattern. I'll probably ch

     I'm not liking my body today. The shorts I'm wearing make me feel twice as big. I don't have time to do laundry because of work and school. I don't have time to work out due to work and school. To be completely honest, I'm not happy. I'm depressed that I never have time to workout and make my body look better. I don't get to lay on the beach during the day due to work. I never have any "me" time. Todays blog entry will most likely end up being a rant because I'm so stressed out, just a fair warning.      Last nights class was good. We ordered pizza and practiced our skills all night. I can't wait to learn all of the skills and then practice them so I can get checked off. The class is not too hard and I highly recommend it to someone looking to get into the healthcare field. I pass all of my tests, including medical terminology. Some people look at me like I'm nuts when I say I like med term, but I do. I'm thankful my brain is