Drained, Depressed, and Stressed.

     My cna lecture portion is coming to a close quickly. We have to get checked off on 6 skills tonight. Last night I got checked off on 3. I didn't get checked off on the "use of a bedpan" skill because of people laughing and screwing around. It completely threw off my concentration. It pissed me off. I try to be respectful when people are getting checked off and I thought that was pretty rude. So I plan on doing that one again tonight along with counting respirations, radial pulse, and a few others. I haven't practiced any of the other skills I didn't mention. She showed us how to feed them with the food tray but I forgot what she did already. And the other ones like foot care and mouth care are pretty easy. I saw some people perform those last night. I kind of just want to get this cna class out of the way already. It drains me to sit at work for 7 hours and then go there and learn so much in one sitting. I really hope I pass the state exam.
     I'm pretty depressed about my grandma. She doesn't eat or want to get in the wheelchair to go outside. She begs for God to taker home (heaven) and she just has a blank stare now. It has taken a toll on my eating habits. Sometimes when I get depressed thinking about it I want to eat everything in sight and other times I don't want nothing. I just want to be left alone and sleep. I try not to be depressed during my cna class but sometimes I can't help it. Especially when we went over the death and dying chapter in our textbooks. That was hard. This is the sad part of life. Losing someone you love is always going to happen at some point. I try to keep calm and accept the fact that when it is her time to go, there is nothing I can do about it. It's part of the life cycle. I love her. How does anyone accept their love one dying right in from them?
     It seems like everything is going downhill for me. My grandmas situation, my car is starting to break (for the 100th time), I'm not getting checked off on skills the first time like I wanted, my boyfriend and I are fighting and pretty much drifting apart. I'm so stressed about everything. I feel like my body has been drained of all energy and will to make any form of energy. I just want to be alone in my room and relax. For once in my life it would be great not to have a worry over something. That will never happen. There is always something. There will always be stressors around to make my anxiety go through the roof.

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