This Thing Called Life

     Today I took my finals for OB/Peds and Lifespan and I passed! I am so extremely happy. This mod was difficult and I had a lot of ups and downs. I'm glad I overcame my depressive state and pushed on to finish. I don't have class, clinical, or work tomorrow or Saturday and Sunday so I am using this weekend to reboot. I m going to refresh my mindset and reset my attitude so I can finish this program strong. I'm going to clean out my backpack and binder and make sure my planner is updated. The class ahead of us has already warned us that the teacher for Endocrine is a shark and she will even deduct time from the sign in sheet if we are not dressed as "clinically ready". That means we have to wear our hair up, white shoes and socks, watch, and our badge. They even said she will make us write scenarios on the board for a whole class if we talk while she is talking. Nursing is serious but jeez. 111 days closer to graduating and being able to take a small break!

     Today we took our OB Kaplan and I made an 83 which converts to a 93! I am hoping it will bring my grade up a little bit more since I am currently sitting at a 81.70. Tomorrow is our finals and I really hope I at least make an 80. It is hard telling what questions will be thrown in there. 112 days left!

     A few weeks ago I made the mistake of buying myself 3 new bras from Victoria's Secret since they were on sale. I have had to eat toast and scrambled eggs pretty much ever since I bought them. I should have used the money for food not bras. I feel stupid. Even though my boyfriend is amazing and sends me money when I'm short, that money he sends goes towards my car payment and car insurance since I only make enough each weekend to pay my phone bill, school loans, and credit card payment. If it wasn't for my boyfriend sending me extra when he feels like I need it, I would literally have no food or gas to put in my car. I wouldn't be making my car payment each month or anything. I have caught up with the important bills and it would such to get put behind again. I literally scrape by even with all of the financial help he gives me. It's embarrassing. It sucks that it takes eating the same thing for weeks for me to realize I need to re-evaluate my impulse spending.

      I have changed a lot of things in my life and the biggest change has been my exercise routine and my diet. Before my boyfriend left for deployment I would limit myself to certain foods and really watch how much of something I ate. He loves Chili's, Chic Fil a, and Chinese food so we ate out to those places a lot. It was good I'm not going to lie about that. It is our thing. We eat fried food, watch Netflix, and snuggle in bed. So when he left, I knew that would be my opportunity to focus on my weight loss and diet plan again. This is my standard diet and things I eat and do even when he is here, and my gym routine. I've never been a breakfast fan early in the morning so I usually brew my own coffee and take it to school with me along with a granola bar, yogurt, or banana. For lunch, I usually eat a salad with lite dressing loaded with cucumber, tomatoes, and green peppers. I will also pack a fruit cup with some rice cakes or some kind of chips like jalapeno or regu

     My grade in L&D went up from a 74 to a 78. Two more points and I will officially be passing. Most of the class is borderline like me, so that makes me feel a little bit better. I know the material and understand the lectures but when it comes to test time sometimes I freeze and sometimes I choose the wrong answers accidentally. Our Kaplan test and final is next week so I'm hoping I do good. I really want to pass and move on. Getting set back is the worst feeling ever. August is so close. It would suck if I bombed this class and had to wait to graduate in October. I just have to stay focused and keep pushing towards the finish line!

     Today in class each student had to present a powerpoint on a chapter in the pediatric section of our book. I had to discuss low flow oxygen administration, oxygen therapy, tracheostomy care, tracheal stoma, mist tent, airway obstruction, and IV administration. It wasn't too bad presenting to only 14 people. I'm hoping it brings my grade up. I've brought it up from a 70 to a 74 but we took another test today (I feel like I did okay on it) and I'm hoping this presentation was an easy "A". She is counting it as a test grade so hopefully it will boost my grade even more. I can't believe our final is next week already. We only have two actual nursing classes left which is endocrine and neuro. After that we move on to leadership which pretty much just prepares us for the NCLEX-PN. This is exciting. I can't believe this journey is just about done. I have been ready to work full time again since I stopped. I can't wait to re-enter the workforce as an

     Today was very unusual. My routine for speaking with my boyfriend is fairly the same. We message each other a little bit in the mornings and in the afternoons and he calls me at night. Well today he messaged me in the afternoon and said he will message or call me later. I have this feeling that maybe he wants space? Maybe he is tired of calling me and hearing about how stressed I am or how boring my day was. I wrote him a message saying that I'm going to give him space. It hurt writing that to him but my gut is telling me to do it.  I feel like a burden to him since he pays my rent and helps me out. He knows I want to work full time again and he knows I hate having financial assistance. I know I'm probably over thinking the situation like I do with everything but this is a bad feeling. First I cried all the time because I was alone and missed him and now I cry and worry that maybe he doesn't want to be with me anymore since I'm depressed a lot.  I don't feel ne

     I have a lot of crap. A few months ago I decided to actually try on every piece of clothing I own and decide whether to keep it or donate it. I ended up donating a huge bag full. Most of the clothes were dresses I wore to hide my huge legs and stomach. Since I've lost so much weight, they didn't even fit in the boob area anymore. The weather is nice now and yesterday I decided to clean my flower beds and make the yard look half decent. Today, I'm doing laundry to get ready for the week and I've been looking in junk drawers and such realizing I have so much crap that I don't even use. This is just phase one of spring cleaning. I plan on cleaning one room per weekend from here on out, that way by the time my boyfriend returns from deployment the house will be squeaky clean. I think part of the reason it looks like I have so much stuff is because of the small space I live in, but at the same time, I really do hoard things I know I will never use again. I guess I j

     Now that I know you read my blog, I want to make an entry dedicated to you. You have no idea how much I miss you. I miss laughing together and watching Netflix. I miss snuggling and having you hold me. I miss sitting on the porch waiting for your truck to come around the corner. I know I don't tell you my feelings very much, but I still get butterflies when you pull me close and hug me. You make me feel important. You accept me for who I am, flaws and medical issues included. Sometimes I feel like I don't deserve you. I am so lucky to have someone like you who shows me what it is actually like to be loved and taken care of. I've been through some very rough patches during this deployment but what keeps me going is that each new day is one day closer to homecoming. I have never cried so much in my life because I feel so lonely even though I know your there for me, you aren't here with me. I'm grateful to give my love to you and make memories with you. You're

     126 days to go until graduation and I'm realizing that the closer it gets, the more agitated and anxious everyone is becoming. This labor and delivery class is not easy and now we started a Lifespan class in the middle of it. Learning nursing skills and terms for antepartum, intrapartum, and postpartum mixed with psychology like types of families and social behavioral issues do not mix. Part of me wishes I could of just gone to a 4 year BSN program and been done but at the same time, I like learning this LPN stuff and I know I will have a good paying job but sometimes it's frustrating trying to stay on top of studying, in class assignments, and homework. I'm ready for this to be over. August is within reach and I just have to keep chugging along.

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     We started our "lifespan" lecture today on chapters 1,2, and 3. It was so BORING. I've already taken this course a few years ago at my community college but since I owe my community college and couldn't request a transcript to get out of it, I'm stuck with it yet again. We basically talked about simple things about life like how important it is to eat right and exercise and use natural ways to relieve stress through breathing techniques and guided imagery. We also talked about how different cultures may want to receive different medical treatment. Like some cultures don't want to use pain medicines, they like to use essential oils and stuff like that. It is interesting information it is just boring the way that my instructor relays it to us. I'm ready to graduate and move on!

     This morning I checked to see how much my next power bill is. It's only $75! That is a huge drop compared to the winter time when it ranged from $226-$280. That makes me feel good knowing I will actually be able to use some of my paycheck to put towards my medical bills! Being a broke student sucks but when good things like this happen, it reminds me that after school is done I will be able to work full time again. The days are really narrowing down with just 128 to go until graduation. The labor and delivery clinical rotation is amazing. I love postpartum in the mother-baby unit. That was the motivation I needed to get my act together and it also helped me decide that at some point in the future, I will be going back for my BSN so I can work in the L&D unit. Nursing school is awesome and I cannot wait to start my career!

     I have seen this beer and the Best Dam Root Beer and debated on buying it for weeks. Today when I went to Food Lion to get snacks for clinical tomorrow, I decided why not? For $10 you get a six pack which is a few dollars cheaper than the Coney Island Root Beer or the Not Your Fathers. But I was disappointed because I expected it to taste more like cola instead of beer. It tastes like beer with a hint of cherry. For people who are not beer fans (myself included), you probably will not like this. If you like beer and cherries, you might like it. This was a miss for me and I will not be repurchasing it. Cheers!

     Today I ordered the textbook for my class from Amazon because my schools new policy is to have all books be Ebooks. I think this is ridiculous. I spent $50 of my OWN hard earned dollars to order it when I could of used that for food or pay on a bill. The school should really consider how people feel before they just decide to make all books electronic. We have to pay for the book regardless. I like having the book in my hand so I can highlight and park pages and look at things as many times as I want. Yes, you can highlight online textbooks and what not but it just isn't the same. I retain information better from an actual book. It took me HOURS to scroll on the iPad that my school issued to find the answers to my workbook last night. Today has all around been a shit day anyway. I feel like giving up because I have no motivation in this mod already. This class has only been in session for a week and a half and I'm already failing. I failed our first test on chapters 3,4, a

     With 19 weeks left of school, my boyfriend being gone due to deployment, and not working full time like I love to do, that leaves a lot of time to surf social media and spend all of my down time looking at Facebook posts and searching Instagram hash tags. I was off from work, school, and clinical today so I had PLENTY of down time. While scrolling through my news feed I realized there are many different people on my friends list. There are the braggers who love flaunting their $400 Michael Kors bags and new cars, houses, and jewelry. There are the complainers who complain about how their marriage is falling apart, they feel sick, they're tired, their kids drive them nuts, and blah blah blah. There are the venters who tell anything and everything going on in their life to the Facebook community. And then there are the people who added me who I haven't talked to since high school but they post once in a while and I feel like the majority of these people on my list only stay

     Today I received an email from my loan officer regarding my school loans. Since I was supposed to graduate last month and didn't, I had to update my enrollment status. I decided to look at my account details and see exactly how much my loan for them was....a whopping $19,933.70. I almost threw up. That is a lot of money. I'm already paying $50 a month on my Sallie Mae loans for school, and now seeing this number makes me nervous. It sucks that I am trying to have a career and make more money to take care of myself and buy myself nice things but for the next 5-10 years of my life it will all go back to paying off my student loans. I am proud to be going to school but at the same time, I see why people don't want to go to college or trade school. Everything in this country costs so much money and it seems like we are being financially punished for wanted a trade or a career with skills. So with all of this being said, I really want to try and work more to start sending p

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     Being a student automatically puts you at risk for bad credit. Due to the debts I have from my previous community college semesters, switching cable and internet companies, and other miscellaneous bills, my credit has been effected. Credit Karma is a decent tool to see a range of where your credit score falls into. Mine according to Equifax is a 617 and the other company they use says it is a 627. I'm not on the completely horrible side, but I'm sort of knocking on the door. I'm truly trying to pay it off. Whenever I have extra money even if it is just $10, that is $10 less that I will owe whoever I decide to send it to. Being an adult sucks sometimes. If I knew back then what I know now, I wouldn't have wasted my paychecks from my first job on the stupid things I did. I also wouldn't have wasted so much time at community college. I would have saved as much as possible to get me out of financial ruts. The biggest part of life is living and learning. I have lear