Scream & Shout

     There are some days that I really enjoy my life and feel stress free. Then there are other days, sometimes weeks, where I just want to scream and shout at the top of my lungs because I feel so overwhelmed. Some of the stuff I stress about is pointless, but most of it is financial situations or my work/school schedule. When I am stressed it is due to me thinking of multiple things at once. Like right now for instance, I'm thinking of the upcoming semester when this one hasn't even ended. I'm thinking of getting things done for the clinical portion of the nurse aide course when I haven't even started lecture. I'm stressing about my car. It seems like everything is slowly breaking and I don't want to put a bunch of money into it but I need it for school. I'm also thinking of the future when I do go to nursing school. How the hell am I going to afford my car to make it back and forth to my lectures and clincals if the advisor strongly suggests we do not work while doing the program?
     It's things like what I just mentioned that make want to rip my hair out. It's getting to the point where I just want to give up on everything just so I can remember what it's like not to stress over things and be happy all the time. My list of stress goes on and on. The main one I stress a lot over is school because I have to pay out of pocket for everything while working full time and still manage to pay my other bills. Sometimes I just want to break down and cry because my anxiety is through the roof but I know that it will not solve my problems, it will only make me feel better for a little bit. It feels good to rant about things like this until I remember I still have 5.5 hours of work left and I get to wake up and do it all over again tomorrow.
     I try to see the good things to come in my future. The nurse aide program is the one thing I'm most excited and anxious about. I'm hoping that after I get my certification I can find a job working as one so that I'm not sitting at a desk any longer. I'm starting to get headaches and backaches from sitting at this desk ALL DAY. Then I also get to leave work, sit in my car for 20 minutes, and sit in class for 3 more hours. My whole life involves sitting and I'm over it. I do blame a lot of my weight gain/problems on my job because every other job I've had where I stand and walk around constantly, I was NEVER this big. I'm really looking forward to the future and what it holds for me. I know that if I keep working my ass off to be a great nurse someday, it's going to be pay off. I can't let stress get in the way of my dreams and goals.

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