Started Off Strong

 It is almost February and already I'm slacking off on working out. I did great for the first 2 weeks in January and I haven't worked out since then. I think the main issue is that the elliptical is so boring. I want to get a rec center pass but I have no one to go with. If it wasn't pitch black outside by the time I got out of class I would walk around my neighborhood. I know that excuses are lame and don't help in any situation but these excuses are the truth. If I actually had friends that would hit me up to go work out or even just go walk around somewhere and talk it would be easier for me. I have never liked doing things by myself, especially working out.
     Sometimes I think I will always be this big. Before you say I can change that, I know I can change it but it is hard. I don't have the time a lot of other people do that get to work out for hours each day. With my work and school schedule and other things in between, there is usually no time for me to do an hour or more workout at the end of the day. When I see the moms/women at the fitness center across the street each morning as I'm sitting at my desk, I think to myself it must be nice. It must be nice to drop the kids off and go work out with your lady friends so that you can have banging bodies for your significant others.
     Working off weight that you put on is hard. I'm not happy with myself for eating all of the shit foods I have over the last 5 years. I could have any body I want. I could have continued to eat fast food on a daily basis but I stopped. I've stopped drinking soda. I was working out but I quit. Why? Why do I always do this to myself. I am so proud for losing 7 pounds last year before I gave up. At the beginning of this month, I lost 2 pounds and I was pleased with that. I love seeing results, yet I stop working out once I start getting them. What is wrong with me? Who does that?
     I know the answers to those questions are somewhere but I can't find them in my head or heart at this time. Maybe I know that no matter what I do I will never lose all this weight. Or maybe I've been joked and picked on about my weight for so long that I don't care to see results anymore. I know I should only be losing weight and getting healthy to make myself happy but for once I would like to wear a bathing suit without hearing someone say something about my weight. This is all up to me. Do I want to lose weight? Of course. Do I actually want to ride my elliptical or work out by myself? No. I will have to start doing this by myself if I ever want to be happy in this body.






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