I Feel Different.
September was a horrible month. My grandmas health declined terribly and she ended up passing away. I feel as if part of my heart has been torn out of my chest. I don't have energy, I'm not as happy as I used to be, and I feel different. I don't know what this feeling is. I don't know if it is anger, sadness, or depression. Maybe it is guilt. I feel so guilty that I didn't quit my job to live with my grandma to take care of her. I should of done so because that is what my gut told me to do. It's normal to feel different after someone passes who was such an inspiration to you right? I'm allowed to randomly break down and cry or get happy when I see things she loved right? How do I deal with this? Every night I tell her goodnight and tell her how lonely I feel. She isn't there to ask me about the weather or if I'm still in college. She isn't sitting in her chair waiting for me to walk in her door so she can call me darling. I just feel differe...
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