From Independent to Dependent

     I have been working and paying bills since I was 15. I've never been scared to get my hands dirty and work hard for the things I want. When I met my current boyfriend I was working two full time jobs. When I applied to nursing school and got accepted quicker than expected, all of that changed. I tried continuing to work both jobs and go to school at night but that reflected in my grades and GPA. When my boyfriend offered to pay rent and help me financially I initially hated the idea because I had been financially dependent on myself for so long. I was used to paying all of my bills and pinching every penny to make my ends meet. I got accustomed to doing everything for myself and depending on no one to help me. Financial stress has always been my stressor. Even when I worked both full time jobs there would still be times when I didn't think I'd be able to eat that month or pay my power bill, but somehow I made it happen. When my boyfriend started paying my rent, mowing my lawn, and doing other things around my house that I was used to doing, I didn't know how to feel at first. I was grateful and happy but at the same time it made me feel dependent on him. Part of my problem with accepting his help that no one seems to understand is the fact that my ex is the reason I had to start relying on myself financially. He never kept a job for more than 4 months and he spent most of his money on alcohol or guns and accessories for them. I was not used to having a boyfriend who willingly offers to help me with money issues so I can pursue my dream and become a nurse. To this day, I am still having issues accepting him pay some of my bills or send me money for no reason. I love him and I grateful for him and the help he is giving me. But at the same time it makes me feel like I'm dependent on him, which makes me feel like a burden. I always tell him once I get my nursing license and start working full time that I will never need him financially again. I want to be the one paying the bills, buying his beer, and buying our groceries for the house. I want to be able to buy him things he wants and surprise him. Nursing school isn't hard. The hard part is being financially challenged and learning to accept the help my boyfriend is giving me. I cannot wait until school is over so I can finally be able to make money and bring more to the table.

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