This Thing Called Life

     One of my favorite things about the holiday season is seeing restaurants and coffee shops offering seasonal inspired foods and beverages. I'm a huge Dunkin Donuts fan. I will drink anything from there but my favorite is the caramel latte, iced in the summer and hot in the winter. So I've debating on trying the Caramel Brulee from Starbucks for a while. I saw it last year but I ended up trying the gingerbread latte instead and hated it. The only things I normally get from Starbucks is an iced caramel macchiato or caramel frappuccino. Two people have been on my case about trying this latte and I did. Here are my thoughts....      The cup is adorable because it has holiday spirit with stars, snowflakes, and so on. It was very hot so of course I waited a bit for it to cool down. It tasted delicious. The caramel was potent but not over powering and the Grande size was just enough to warm me and give me some energy. The drive thru asked if I wanted an extra shot and I said no.

     While eating my lunch, I came up with the idea to have a new segment on my blog called: Let's Review! It will entail details of products, foods, customer service, new stores, and so on. I will rate it, tell what I like/dislike, and tell whether I would buy or recommend to others. I think it will be fun. I love trying new products and stores out anyways...so here we go :)      Today on my lunch break I decided to try the Southwest Mcwrap from McDonalds. If you've never had one, let me tell you, they are huge compared to the snack wraps and the packages is very nice because you can set the wrap back inside. You can get them grilled or crispy and in my instance, I got grilled. So the first initial bite was honestly the worst. I think all of the flavor from the sauce, lime, and everything else just didn't mix well. After the next couple of bites my taste buds started really liking the spicy ranch sauce. By the end of the wrap I felt like that was stupid of me to buy beca

     This morning at work I began working on my 8 page research paper for child psychology. While trying to work on my paper I still had to do my job. Answering the phones, talking with customers, and telling my boss about my research paper only made me realize this isn't going to work out much longer. The 4 classes I have left to take before applying to RN program are not scheduled during times after my job. And if they are, they run until like 10:30 at night and no one wants to do that unless it is absolutely necessary. The class times are offered during the mornings and days which I work...go figure. And this will only get more complicated because I have to travel to another city about 30 minutes away for the nursing program.      Unfortunaltey, I'm still having no luck finding a full time job as a nurse aide from 3-11 or 11-7. I want something different. And if I work evenings or nights that will allow me to go to class in the morning right when I get off. It works out per

     This weekend I will be moving out and beginning a new life journey on my own. It is bittersweet because I'm ready to start being even more independent but at the same time, I love my parents and family and it will take some getting used to without them around. For the most part they seem happy for me though. I plan on getting the carpet and paint tomorrow evening and laying it on Saturday after I help my nana. I'm getting more and more excited. I can't wait to come home from work and cook dinner, clean, and be a home body.      One of the biggest reasons I'm excited to finally move in is the travel time/distance I drive every day. My mom lives in a city about 20-25 minutes from my work. I drive to work and back home 4 days a week. Then on weekends I stay at my dads which is in the city I work at so the only driving I do is for shopping or other errands. I can't wait to be able to go HOME. One place. No more packing weekend bags for my dads or buying gas for my

     A lot of things have happened this year. Some were good and others were bad. But life continues to go on whether we are ready or not. I'm going to be moving out in like a week and I feel ready. I've also been contemplating a new hair style/cut for a while. I've decided to trim my hair but ad purple streaks to it. I'm also debating about getting bangs again. I feel like I'm starting to want to get ready for work and look good instead of rolling out of bed and throwing on jeans and t-shirt. I don't think I'm hideous but I don't think I'm very pretty either. Maybe if I care about my appearance then that will help with my self esteem.      Along with moving out and a new hair cut, I'll be focusing more on myself and my health. My goal for the summer of 2014 is to look good in a bikini. I also want to completely eliminate soda from my diet and work on eating better foods. And of course, my college classes are important too. I'm so close to a

     Thanksgiving and Christmas this year will be the first of many holidays without my Memaw. It's going to be hard. I try to be happy when I see the decorations and sale ads but deep down I'm only worrying about how I will act on these days. This is the first time in my life that my mom and I won't meet there to give her Thanksgiving dinner that we made. We won't meet there Christmas Eve to exchange gifts and watch her open hers. When my Memaw could no longer get out, my mom would buy things for Christmas to my brother and I from  "Memaw" even though my mom would buy it and wrap it. I would open it and say thank you to her and she would say "Oh I got you that? How nice". There will be none of that. I've already apologized and warned my family that I may not be myself during the holidays this year or next, but I'm going to try and be happy because I know that is what my Memaw would want.      The hard part about holiday shopping now is seei

     Today is the second day that I've eaten breakfast. I know. You're probably saying "big deal" or whatever but I never eat breakfast early, especially at 7 a.m. I like to eat breakfast around 9 but I can't since I have work. So I'm doing good. I've been eating the Bagel Thins made by Thomas. They are awesome and they only have 110 calories. I only eat half the bagel so that is even less calories. For my weight loss, I'm not focusing too much on calories. My main focus is portion control. I've been doing very well with eating only halves like for sandwiches, subs, and anything else you can divide. I do indulge on fruit and veggies because they are delicious and good for you. I've been trying to drink water as my daily beverage and it has been working out. Yesterday during my class break, I went to the vending machine and they had my favorite Gold Peak Sweet Tea, I chose water. Yes, I chose water! That is an awesome feat for me.      I've

     Oh the joy of being in college. I'm currently enrolled in Child Psychology and we were given the assignment to write a research paper that includes 6-8 pages of research not including the cover sheet and reference page. I love community college. It's fairly simple and it works great with my work schedule. The homework isn't an overload and tests and quizzes for the classes I've taken are pretty scarce and rare. When it comes to research papers, the only part I hate is actually writing the paper and doing my reference page. I love learning and doing the research on my given topic which for this class paper is Down Syndrome. But when I have to give credit and cite the person(s) who said things right after I type the sentence, it gets frustrating and annoying. Plus I have to reread all of the information I wrote down or highlighted and figure out when and where to put it in the paper. It should be common sense that I'm not an expert on DS and I don't know the

     Middle school and high school were tough for me. I was overweight but I was confident with myself until people starting being mean and making fun of my weight to my face. The bullying I endured over those years turned me into the bitch I am today. And I'm being honest. I know I'm a bitch. I'll be the first to admit it but it is because of jerks in school that made me this way. If they only knew how I felt when someone would moo at me or tell me I had thunder thighs. I honestly felt worthless. And to be honest, it hasn't gotten much better since I graduated in 2010. I still hear people whisper behind my back and guys will say "She got a fat ass" as if I don't know this. Maybe if they took the time to be nice to me they would know I'm trying to be healthier and work on my image.      I'm not obese I'm overweight, not that it is any better. Normal weight for my age and height is roughly 130-135 pounds. I weigh 152 pounds (150 on a good day).

     This Saturday my mom and I are having a yard sale to sell my grandmas stuff. Once the house is empty, I'll be able to start ripping out the carpet and putting new carpet down. I already tore out most of the carpet in what will be my bedroom. This is a huge reality check for me because it shows me how expensive materials are. Carpet ranges anywhere from $0.94-$5.00 or more per square foot. I don't want nothing to expensive but I also don't want it to look cheap either. I need to find someone to lay it for me so I can save a little money on labor costs. Windows are something I'll eventually replace and they will be expensive too. I ordered a lot of things I NEEDED, not wanted, from Walmart. I got my vacuum, pantry, microwave cart, and tons of other things. I used site to store and all of my items get shipped to my Walmart for free.      I can't believe I will be moving out and on my own. It's exciting but scary at the same time. I still need to get money to

     September was a horrible month. My grandmas health declined terribly and she ended up passing away. I feel as if part of my heart has been torn out of my chest. I don't have energy, I'm not as happy as I used to be, and I feel different. I don't know what this feeling is. I don't know if it is anger, sadness, or depression. Maybe it is guilt. I feel so guilty that I didn't quit my job to live with my grandma to take care of her. I should of done so because that is what my gut told me to do. It's normal to feel different after someone passes who was such an inspiration to you right? I'm allowed to randomly break down and cry or get happy when I see things she loved right? How do I deal with this? Every night I tell her goodnight and tell her how lonely I feel. She isn't there to ask me about the weather or if I'm still in college. She isn't sitting in her chair waiting for me to walk in her door so she can call me darling. I just feel differe

     Watching someone change into someone they are not so quickly is really hard. Thinking back to times when my grandma would remember to call her cousin and sister or make a grocery list every Wednesday for my mother to pick up for her are all in the past. Dementia has taken over. My grandma has a whole entire new mindset. Why? Why did this disease choose someone so sweet, kind, and loving? Why can't there be medicine to save her memory and remember me forever? Visiting her in the nursing home and seeing the state she is in, only makes me think of every good memory I've had. I'll also never forget the day that changed the way we cared for my grandma for ever.      I was younger, maybe 15 or 16 years old. I was in the yard beside my Memaws house playing football with the neighborhood kids. Through all the yelling and shouting, I heard a smoke alarm so I told every one to shut up. I knew when I heard the alarm clearly, that it was my grandmas. I bolted over to her house an

     Last night, my mom informed me that it is very possible I'll be able to move into my grandmas house and take it over in October. I got a rush of excitement and nervousness at the same time. I've never lived on my own. I'm not the best cook, but I love baking. I'm clean and organized for the most part. I think what makes me most nervous is having to pay bills and making sure they are payed on time. The only bill I pay now is my phone bill and credit card. That's it. No rent, electricity, internet, cable, and so on. Leaving the nest will be a huge adventure for me. I have $98 saved up for things I need to buy. That's not a lot but it is better than nothing. I was hoping to have more time to save and plan renovations but it looks like I'll have to make due until I get the money.      I made a list of all current bills she pays with my mom since the only bill that I will add is internet. It comes close. I may need to get a part time second job to make sure

     If you're a college student working full time and going to class part time like me, or if you're just an adult working a nine to five job to make ends meet, we know that the same thing everyday gets old quick. In the morning I dread coming to sit for 7 hours because I feel useless. But I need the money for bills and college, so I have to try and make the best of the situation. I love moving around. Yea I help customers but I don't feel like I do enough. And many people think that sitting at a computer all day means you'll never get bored. Wrong. You can only log onto Facebook, Tumblr, and other sites so many times until you say that you have had enough. So here are my tips for making it through the work day regarding a desk job. Wake up and say it will be a good day or that you will make it a good day.  Try not to think of reasons why you hate the job you have. Make the best of it. At least you have a job to go to in this economy. Do your work. When your done

     Years ago in high school, I never would have said that I loved to learn. But now that I'm older and in college taking classes that matter, I love it. And even when I take a class that aren't particularly my favorite, I still pretend to like it just to make the semester go by faster. This semester, I'll be taking Child Psychology. I read on ratemyprofessor that my instructor is an older lady but she is nice and issues one project and one major paper and the quizzes and tests come right out the chapters. Seems easy enough. I have 5 classes left after this one to complete before applying to the nursing program. Time is flying! The only thing I need to kick up a notch is saving money. When I start nursing school, I plan on working as little as possible so that I can focus on my studies and clinical. I'm so proud of how far I've come and it is only the beginning.      As I get ready to start this new fall semester, I kind of get sad that I will never experience &qu

     Everywhere I look, there is a pregnant lady or a lady with a baby or babies. When I graduated, there were a few pregnant girls in the mix and some became new mothers after high school. My Facebook news feed is a haven for pregnancies. I do not have an issue with this, but it does make me realize how glad I am not to have a child or children right now. The number one reason that I'm glad I'm not a young mother is finances. I'm not financially capable of raising a child based on my jobs pay or my boyfriends. Even combined, we would not be able to pay our bills and baby bills as well. They are expensive. There is a new study out that says it costs nearly half of a million dollars to raise a child until they are 18. That is money that I just do not have right now. The second reason I'm glad I'm not pushing a stroller is my education. I'm going to college to get a career before even thinking of starting a family. Another thing I've been thinking about lately

     Since this is my third time trying to lose weight, I want to be successful and not give up like the last two times. My boyfriend and I have went hiking for 5 Saturdays in a row and I think that is what is motivating me to continue workouts throughout the week. I just purchased a yearly parking pass for the park we hike at so maybe we can also start hiking more than just one day a week. I think I'm off to a good start. Last night my mom and I went for a speed walk around the neighborhood for about 15 minutes. I was also dancing and jogging and then continued to dance one we got home. I haven't had any soda in about week, not even a sip. And I'm trying to choose water as much as possible as my drink of choice. Junk food hasn't really been present, all though it is that time of the month so I'm eating bits of chocolate here and there.      YouTube and Tumblr have been my main motivation sources. I like seeing the progress people make just by making small changes

     This morning, I read an article about how someone complained to the city about homeless people sleeping on benches in a park. So the city came and removed the benches to eliminate the problem of them sleeping there. How about instead of complaining and having them removed them, you offer a solution? Yes, I know some homeless people are addicted to drugs and have no intentions on ever becoming a citizen who pays taxes and contributes to society. But some of them may want that, they just need help and motivation. With the city having to remove benches because homeless people are sleeping on them should tell them to create some sort of resource center where they can sleep at night and help get their lives back on track. Gandhi's quote "Be the change you wish to see in the world" says it all. I love helping others and doing good things for my community. I wish others would start to get inspired and make this world a better place. I hate seeing young teenagers getting kil

     With 19 days left until my state test, everything is annoying me. I hate coming to work and sitting here. I hate spending all of my time at work instead practicing. Work really just annoys me in general. I hate not having enough supplies to practice with too. Yesterday at my grandmas house I found a basin, an emesis basin, and a toothbrush just like the ones we used in class. I plan on practicing with those. I get paid this week so maybe I will go to some thrift stores in hopes of finding some more things to use for practice. It would be nice if I could find a mannequin like the one we had in class. 19 isn't a long time and I need to get in as much practice as possible. I really want to pass and leave this desk job so bad! I know I complain about my job all the time, but I'm over it. I'm ready for a change. I'm ready to have a different daily routine.      This morning I paid tuition for my fall semester class. It is on Mondays only, which is kind of nice. I won&#

     My cna testing date FINALLY arrived in the mail! My test will be on August 24 starting at 8 a.m. This is so exciting for a couple of reasons. One, being that most of the girls in my class also test on this day, and two, it means that my time is winding down at my desk job. I'm feeling pretty confident that I will pass on the first try (skills part) but you never know. I could start my skills and then immediately start drawing blanks and making an ass of myself. The main thing is that I've made this far and I don't want to fail. Plus I paid $94 for this test and if I fail the skills portion, it is like 60 some dollars to re-test. My wallet hurts enough paying for general classes and then this class on top of them. The countdown is officially on! I have 26 days until my career is either started or pushed back. I'm praying I pass because I want to stop working this desk job so badly and start helping people!

     Besides waiting anxiously for my state test date and wanting to work as a cna, I have nothing to complain about shockingly. I'm back on track to lose weight and be healthy. It will take time but I feel like I'm more committed this go around. My boyfriend and I have started going hiking on Saturdays at our state park. I love it. I love moving around and getting exercise instead of standing in one place like riding an elliptical. I have been debating about buying a treadmill to work on my jogging skills. I eventually want to be be able to jog on the hiking trails. I still have some bad habits like eating when I'm sad, stressed, or depressed and drinking Pepsi whenever I crave one. I'm trying my best to stay away from that crap. I just have to stay strong and keep telling myself that I can do this. Work is work. We all know my feelings about that.      Tuition for the fall semester is due at the beginning of August. Thankfully, I already have enough for the one class

     So I was sitting here at work thinking about everything and this idea popped into my head. Since I'm not putting as much money into my Pensacola Beach vacation fund, I thought of the phrase "pennies for Pensacola". Yea I know, weird that that just popped into my head but whatever. I'm going to start saving my pennies separate from my other spare change so that I know at least some money will be in my vacation fund. It may take longer to save up with pennies but I'll throw other change into the jar when I remember or feel like it. I want to go there so bad. The pictures I see and the stories I read make me wish I would have started saving a long time ago. I've never been that far south, plus I'll be driving since I don't like planes. It will be a long car ride but at least I could take my time coming back and stop at places that look interesting. Let the penny savings begin!

     I love going to clinical for the nurse aide program. Helping people and making them smile makes me happy. I'm pretty hopeful and confident that I will pass state and become certified to work as an aide. The one thing I'm concerned about now is nursing school and becoming a nurse. That is the only career I've thought about but what if I don't make it? What if nursing school is too hard or too much for me to handle? Yea, being an aide is great but I won't be able to make a decent living off it. I wouldn't be able to expand my choices and career paths in just that field as you would as a registered nurse. They say if you want something bad enough you'll get it or achieve it but some of the stories I hear about nursing school worry me. I'm terrible at math and if I can't grasp any concepts, I'll fail then be pushed back another semester to re-take classes and stuff. This is so nerve racking.      There are many career choices out there but what

     After tonights clinical we only have 4 clinical days left until we can send in our stuff for state. Holy canolies, Time has really flown by. I'm kind of nervous about state only because we never know what skills we will get. I want to reward myself if I pass state on the first try but I don't know what to do. Should I have a party or go on a shopping spree? Go out to dinner or take a vacation? I don't know. I do know that I deserve SOMETHING for all of my hard work and dedication while working full time and taking care of my grandma. It's so awesome helping these people with daily tasks. It's even more awesome when they thank you and act so grateful for what you've done. I've realized that I'm kind of thankful for not being friends with some of the people I hung out with in high school because of where they are at in life compared to me. I got my life together pretty quickly after high school and some people just act like the world owes them somethi

     Having four days off seemed nice. It would have been nice if I actually got to do nothing but lay on the beach and relax (which I did for a couple of hours). My grandma came home Thursday. I helped my mom get her into the house and situated. I left after to meet my dad and other relatives at the beach. An hour later, my mom calls and says my grandma went back to the hospital because she was having breathing issues and turning grey/blue. So I ended up leaving the beach because that was all I could think about. She came home again and was fine until Saturday. Saturday morning I did my usual routine of draining her catheter bag, making her coffee, giving her medicine, and helping her get up. She did pretty good. Then later that evening, my gut instinct told me to check on her. I'm glad I did. Somehow, her catheter tube came out. Not the entire catheter because there wasn't blood everywhere, so I knew that the balloon was still inside. But she freaked out when I told her what

     There are tons of survey sites out there and choosing a good one can be tricky. The only site I use is Cashcrate. You get $1 just for signing up and there are many other bonuses too. If you check in every day you get 3 cents and if you check in everyday for a whole month, you will earn 50 cents. That may not sound like much but depending on how many surveys or offers you complete, you could make a killing. This is perfect for people who have down time at work or someone looking to earn extra money for something they are saving towards. If you love shopping like I do, sign up with Cashcrate and under the "shopping" tab, select stores you shop at like Walmart or iTunes and earn a percentage of your purchases back. It's that easy. I signed up to make some extra money to put towards community college. Here is the link to sign up! http://www.cashcrate.com/4652172

     Last night was great. We took a tour of the wing that we would be doing our clinical in. We met tons of clients and we even jumped right in with helping the nurse aides complete tasks. Everyone in class was divided up and partnered with a different nurse aide to shadow. I helped with two peri cares, made a bed, and helped a lady move into her new room with a roommate. She was very nice. I think everyone there was nice. It made me kind of nervous at first but after the first half hour I got more comfortable and I was ready to do work. It was nice being able to watch and apply skills we had learned previously before coming to clinical. One thing I did learn fairly quickly was how demanding older people are. When they want their ice cream, they want it. If they ask for an extra pillow or blanket, get it or else you will see a side of them you don't want to see.      I know I talk about this program a lot but I can't help it. I'm so proud to be doing this and I'm prou

     Looking at my savings account and seeing the small amount of money that is in it, only tells me that I'm nowhere near where I need to be financially for school. Originally when I first started community college, I told myself I wanted to pay completely out of pocket for all of my pre-requisites, nursing school, and my Bachelors degree.  That probably could of happened if I had been saving like I should have been. My account is down some because I paid for this nurse aide course but it is also low because I had to pay $300 for some car repairs. I always get mad at myself for not saving as soon as I started working when I was 16. I would be set financially right now if I had. Instead, I scramble every semester to pay for my credits, books, and other supplies. Just because I go to community college and not a university doesn't mean it's not expensive. Each semester I pay over $1000 by the time I pay for everything. That ads up. Thankfully, I don't have any student loa

     Last night was the last class for the lecture portion of my nurse aide course. We start clinical on Monday! I'm so excited and nervous but I'm ready to put the skills I've learned to work. My classmates are awesome. Last night we practiced for our state exam and we all did very well. It was kind of nerve racking. I tried not to think about everything all at once or how much time I was spending on a skill. The one thing I did notice as I started each skill is the fact that all of the steps started rolling into my head as soon as I was done with the steps. I was hoping I wouldn't draw a blank and I didn't. I am so proud of myself and I think everyone else in my class should be proud of themselves as well. We worked hard for this. We juggled jobs, kids, and other every day life things along with completing this part of the course. Now we are onto to bigger and brighter things. We actually get to start helping people and start our healthcare careers.      When I t

     Tonight in my cna class we will get checked off on the last 2 skills we have left. We're also getting a six foot sub to eat as a reward for our hard work. Tomorrow is our last lecture class ever and we start clinical on Monday! I'm pretty excited and nervous at the same time. I hope I don't screw up too bad at the home where we do our clinical. I just wish I knew for sure if I was going to pass state because I need to register for my fall classes soon. I think I may go ahead and stick with evening classes for that semester just in case I fail. That way I can still work here at this job and attend school while practicing for my re-test. It's kind of nerve racking. You don't know what skills they are going to test you on and you only have 25 minutes to complete all 5. Hopefully I don't mess up because every minute counts.      I have everything ready to go for clinical. My scrubs, shoes, and underwear. I bought nude colored because they are REALLY see-throug

     Growing up, I was never really a girly girl. I wasn't afraid to get dirty or play football. That still stands today. Throughout school when I would see how different I was compared to the pretty, skinny girls, I realized that if I looked like them, then maybe I would dress better. Maybe if I didn't have thunder thighs or love handles that I would actually care about my appearance. I used the whole tomboy thing to cover up my insecurity for being fat. I care a little more now days about what I wear because I'm not completely insecure about being "bigger". I do still wish I had a thinner body that I could flaunt in whatever I wanted to wear. I know in a previous post I said I was done trying to lose weight. I'm not giving up. I've made some progress and even though I said I quit trying, I noticed that I was still conscious about what I was eating. I'm going to do this. No matter what it takes or how long. One day, I'll have a good looking body.

     My cna lecture portion is coming to a close quickly. We have to get checked off on 6 skills tonight. Last night I got checked off on 3. I didn't get checked off on the "use of a bedpan" skill because of people laughing and screwing around. It completely threw off my concentration. It pissed me off. I try to be respectful when people are getting checked off and I thought that was pretty rude. So I plan on doing that one again tonight along with counting respirations, radial pulse, and a few others. I haven't practiced any of the other skills I didn't mention. She showed us how to feed them with the food tray but I forgot what she did already. And the other ones like foot care and mouth care are pretty easy. I saw some people perform those last night. I kind of just want to get this cna class out of the way already. It drains me to sit at work for 7 hours and then go there and learn so much in one sitting. I really hope I pass the state exam.      I'm pret

     It's time to take my vacation jar off of the back burner and really start saving. I need a break from everything. Work, school, and my family issues. My brain feels like scrambled eggs. I was hoping to go to Pensacola Beach at the end of August but I only have $70 saved up for it and the fall semester starts on August 22. Sometimes I wish I could of taken a different path in life. Like maybe be less mature and enjoy life a little more rather than stressing out over EVERYTHING. I've got to do something soon or else I'm going to end up in the mental institution. Last night in class we learned that someone can develop a mental illness from stressing too much...um hello. That is me completely. I don't want to go insane. I just want to be happy. I'm really hoping and praying that life goes in my favor. I hope to do great in nurse aide clinical and pass my state exam. I want to work part time as a nurse aide while going to school during the day, not evenings, on Mond

     Work gets in the way of a lot of things. School just so happens to be the one thing it always interferes with for me. I was looking at the fall semester schedule for the general biology class I need to take just in order to take Microbiology. The days work out great. There is a Monday-Wednesday class in the evening just in case I don't pass my cna exam on time. But the lab is only offered in the morning or during the time on day when I would have lecture. What kind of crap is that? That doesn't help me out at all and I'm not ready to take Anatomy and Physiology 1&2 yet so that is a no go. So I went ahead and put Child Psychology in my cart just in case I fail the state exam. The only issue with me taking Child Psychology now is that it will throw me off and add another semester to my schooling because I planned on taking that and Social Ethics in the same semester.      Today at work I looked at the calender trying to  figure out when my last day would be if I pas

     The last time I calculated how much I needed in order to pay for my A.A.S degree out of pocket was a lot. I think it was around $15,000. I jut went back onto my community college website and re-calculated my costs. It was near $11,000. I guess the last time I added it up I was being really cautious just in case I needed to pay more for certain things like books or my uniforms. This is kind of good news. It's still a lot of money but it isn't as much. I only have 6 pre-reqs left before I can apply to nursing program. I really hope I get accepted. I plan on getting my BSN from Sentara if you're employed with them it's about $9,000 and if you aren't it's about $13,000. My first semester of college I told myself I would do whatever I could do to pay out of pocket for school and materials and stay away from student loans. I really need to start saving more money in order for me to do that. I only have about $1500 in my savings now and that will pay for my micro-

     Last week, I discovered a hole in the ass of my favorite shorts. So this weekend I decided that I deserved some new shorts. Since I had been feeling good about myself and feeling like I lost weight, I decided to pick up size 11 shorts. I figured that they would fit because the size 13 shorts I had on at that moment were really loose. WRONG. I could barely button them. The cuffs were cutting the circulation off in my thighs. I looked in the mirror and started crying. All the work I've done and progress I thought I had made seemed non-existent. I always try to be positive and strong but I'm done. No matter what I do or what changes I make, I'll always be fat. I'm never going to have time to work out because I'm always fucking working or going to class after work. Sleep is more important to me so I will never be the type of person to get up early to work out. I just think being fat is my calling.      I know I shouldn't give up. Looking in the dressing room m

     After work today I have to get my final TB test for the nurse aide program. It's only $20 where I go so my wallet appreciates that. Then I have to go to the scrub store to return my bottoms for the second time. This time, I'm trying EVERYTHING on in the store before I leave. For those of you who have never bought scrubs like myself, make sure you try them on. The sizing (Cherokee is my brand) is completely different than regular clothing. Tropical storm Andrea is making her way to Virginia. The rain sucks, especially since I have to sit in the office ALL DAY. I'd rather be home sleeping. I saw the weather this morning and it looks like my area should expect rain until Wednesday.  This rain sucks. I was hoping to go to the local carnival but those plans can go out the window.      My feet are finally getting pampered. I'm going to get a pedicure for the first time in 3 years tomorrow. I haven't decided if I want the french tip or a pattern. I'll probably ch

     I'm not liking my body today. The shorts I'm wearing make me feel twice as big. I don't have time to do laundry because of work and school. I don't have time to work out due to work and school. To be completely honest, I'm not happy. I'm depressed that I never have time to workout and make my body look better. I don't get to lay on the beach during the day due to work. I never have any "me" time. Todays blog entry will most likely end up being a rant because I'm so stressed out, just a fair warning.      Last nights class was good. We ordered pizza and practiced our skills all night. I can't wait to learn all of the skills and then practice them so I can get checked off. The class is not too hard and I highly recommend it to someone looking to get into the healthcare field. I pass all of my tests, including medical terminology. Some people look at me like I'm nuts when I say I like med term, but I do. I'm thankful my brain is

     We are moving right along in my cna course. It is a lot more fun when we get to practice the skills instead of doing the chapters in the book. Most of the book is common sense. The tests we take are pretty easy and the terminology quizzes are a breeze. I figured I'd go ahead and tell you what skills we have learned and which ones I find easy and more complicated. Here is the list: Hand washing (simple) Apply knee-high elastic stocking(simple) Assist to ambulate using a transfer built( not to bad) Cleans upper or lower denture(simple) Donning and removing PPE/gown and gloves(fairly easy) Give modified bed bath to face, one arm, hand, and underarm(a lot of steps. I'm still practicing this one) Measure and record weight(simple) Perform Passive Range of Motion (PROM) for one knee and ankle(fairly easy) Perform PROM for one shoulder(easy) Positions on side(a lot of steps but is isn't too difficult) Provide catheter care for female(easy) Foot care on one foot(e

     Since the beginning of January 2012, I've been trying to lose weight. I was setting small goals for myself and I've FINALLY reached my goal of losing 10 pounds! I told myself as a reward I would get my belly button pierced but since the summer season has begun, I don't want to because ocean water and pools could infect it. So I'm just going to wait until fall to get it done. It has taken me for ever to lose this amount but that is because I would start off strong and fall back off and eat crap. Now that I've seen the results physically and on the scale, I have no intentions of stopping. I really feel that for the first time in my life I will look decent in my bikini.      This journey is far from over. I originally wanted to lose 30-35 pounds but I started thinking I might not look the way I want. I'm just overweight, not obese and that number seemed big. So my goal was changed to 22 pounds and I feel that is fair. I have 12 pounds left to go before I reac

     My first nurse aide lecture was awesome! We learned hand washing and she showed us how to do range of motion with arms and knees. We filled out some paperwork saying we promised to be good nurse aides and always follow policies and procedures. We went over our calendar for the next 3 months as well. I can't wait to go back tomorrow and learn more skills. My instructor likes to introduce the skills early so we can get enough practice for clinical and the state board exam. She says the written part is fairly easy and the skills part is where people tend to flop sometimes.      There were only 7 people in my class and I know of one girl who plans on dropping it as soon as possible since it won't work with her schedule at work. My instructor called the other people who never showed to see if they planned on showing up or if she could give their spot to someone waiting. They all told her they changed their minds. Why would someone wait until the very last minute to say that? A

     Now that I'm back in this "I'm going to lose weight mode", I've been obsessing over what I eat. I don't like eating at all honestly because it makes me feel fat and bad about myself once I'm done. I shouldn't feel like that though because I'm not eating bad foods. I guess I just feel that no matter what I eat the calories won't be burned so I'll be fat either way. I'm not as big as I could be but I'm big enough to want this change. Seeing pictures of fit girls in their bikinis at the beach makes me want to work even harder. Never in my life have I felt confident in my bikini. I want that. I want to be able to just walk around the beach without covering up and worrying over what people see what look at me.      I brought my workout clothes and shoes to my dads house this weekend. Hopefully I won't be too lazy to workout. I plan on walking/jogging around the neighborhood. Maybe I can find someone to go to the rec center and

     The nurse aide program starts in 5 days! I have never been so excited and nervous at one time in my whole life. I already have my books and a notebook. I plan on getting my TB test and background check done before my clinical portion of the program starts. The one thing that is great about this is the support I get from my parents and other family members. Nothing makes me feel better about myself than hearing "I'm so proud of you" from my loved ones. Along with this excitement has come some stress too. I'm stressing about how to tell my boss if he asks what class I'm taking. I don't want him to think I'm going to get my certification and leave him high and dry. Another thing I'm stressing over is my school schedule after I receive my certification and start working as a cna. I got to school during the evening as of now because it works well with my full time work schedule during the day. I would like to work three 12 hour shifts at a hospital or

     My weight loss journey has been no easy ride. I started at the beginning of January in 2012 and my mission was to lose weight and look great. It wasn't easy but I made simple changes. I stopped drinking soda, stopped eating junk, and I even bought an elliptical. Riding an elliptical was hard at first but I got pretty good at it. I started with just 15 minutes every other night then worked my way up to an hour! But after a few months of going strong and seeing minimal results, I quit. I felt horrible. I felt fat and lazy. Then towards the summer of 2012 I tried to get back on track. I did well for a few weeks but fell off again. I pretty much convinced myself I was always going to be fat and no exercise or healthy eating was going to make a difference. I was wrong. I never gained back the 7 pounds I lost, but if I would have kept going and tried my hardest, I could have been looking great and feeling confident months ago.    January 2013 seemed like the perfect time to start o

     Lately for some reason, I have been feeling very self conscious about my appearance. Not just about my body but everything. It really sucks because it is starting to stress me out. Over the weekend I got plenty of exercise. I walked around the block a couple times on Saturday and Sunday and I played some softball. I also jumped on my elliptical for the first time in months last night. I only lasted 10 minutes but that is better than nothing.I have been drinking a lot of water and drinking Naked. My favorite flavor is the Berry Blast. I haven't been eating big dinners but I have been eating breakfast lately, which is surprising. I get up a little earlier than usual each morning just to fit in a quick breakfast.      My skin and teeth have been stressing me too. I have sun spots everywhere since I am so fair skinned. And as far as my teeth go, I have gingivitis. My teeth don't look absolutely horrible, but they aren't as pretty as I would like them to be. At my last den

     44 days until the first day of summer. Are you ready? I'm not. I stopped working out and worrying about my weight loss a few months ago. I still eat fairly healthy compared to what I used to eat. I've been drinking more water than ever too. But my body is in no way ready for "bikini season". I know I can lose this weight and it's time for me to get serious...again. This has got to be the one thing I hate about myself most. Starting out losing weight and being healthy for the first month or two then slowly slacking, until the point I can't remember my last workout.      It's kind of weird. When I was a health nut, being conscious of what I was eating and how many calories I was burning, my boyfriend wanted nothing to do with it. Now that I'm slacking, we have switched roles. He never wants fast food anymore, I do sometimes, especially when I'm stressed. He works out almost everyday. I can't workout during the day because of my day job, but