This Thing Called Life

     Recently I found this awesome YouTube channel called Exploring with Josh and it made me realize how many places are out in the world waiting to be discovered. I would love to be able to document different places I explore and learn the history of certain places. His videos are awesome and they make me step back and think about what I want to do in my lifetime. Yea I love being a nurse and I am very proud to have made it through nursing school, but the history and stories about some of these places he goes to is better than any textbook. I need to get over my fear of flying and start saving to go on my own journeys. I love abandoned buildings and finding random old homes in the backwoods down old county roads. Any time I stop in an old store established by generations of family or pass by old barns or homes, I always wonder what the families were like that lived there and how many memories they had made. I also tend to wonder why some places, including whole cities and towns, get a

     Wish is a great app to use for convenient shopping. You can find gifts, clothing, accessories, and more for a decent price. I do recommend reading reviews on the products before purchasing. Shipping can sometimes take a while, but everything I have ever purchased from the app was worth it.

     Here are my goals for 2017. I;m excited to see what a new year has in store for me :)

     LPN school was stressful but taught me a lot. It was also expensive so of course I kept EVERYTHING from my program!

     These things are literally what I did to pass my exam. The key is to breathe and take each question one at a time. Try not to overwhelm yourself and overthink! You have plenty of time to take the exam so do not rush.

     I took my NCLEX-PN exam on Friday, October 7. Due to Hurricane Matthew, I had to wait all weekend because of power outages on the east coast. I finally got my results later that week! All of the stress, tears, tests, quizzes, and laughter are well worth it. I am very proud of myself :)

     Today was an awesome Monday and a great start to the week! I am thrilled to begin working as a nurse and to start catching up on bills and also putting my nursing skills to use!

     It is time to get back on track and start feeding my body the healthy foods it needs. I am tired of feeling sluggish and drained.

     I have exactly one month from Today to prepare myself for the NCLEX! I am nervous and also excited at the same time. Prayers needed for passing on the first try :)

     Now that I'm done with school and officially have my date for NCLEX (October 7), I'm trying to find a job that will allow me to work with my ATT letter. I had an interview last week but the lady said it takes about two weeks to find clinics that need me and then training will take another 4-6 weeks. It felt great going to an interview before I'm even licensed but at the same time I would like to find a place that will hire me and train me right away so I can start working. My bills are way behind since I haven't worked in two months. I really want to start working on paying off my car and catching up on all of the debt I owe for medical issues and things like that. The other thing that sucks is looking for jobs in my area and realizing there aren't many to choose from. It is kind of like LPNs are obsolete here in a way. Yea there are plenty of long term care positions but I do not want to work any weekends and I worked in LTC as a CNA. I'm ready to test all

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     For the last week or so, my boyfriend had started acting different toward me. He was agitated, seemed annoyed, and we weren't having sex at all. Today I kind of found the source for his distance. His mother had mailed his tablet since he left it at his parents house during our vacation. So being the nosy Nancy I am, I started snooping through his email and even tried getting into his Facebook. I found that he was sending himself screenshots of a girl that he had sexted before, about a year ago when we had just became a couple. With more digging, I found that he was getting nudes from other women while he was deployed as well. It bothers me that he is saving photos of this particular girl. I have been laying here in bed wondering what it is that makes her so special considering that they have never even met in person. Is my love not enough? Am I too fat and unattractive? Do I bore him? What does she have that I don't? This whole situation bothers me because for the last wee

     Some of my classmates have already received their ATT letter to pick a date and sit for the NCLEX. I'm stressing because I haven't received mine yet. I contacted Pearson Vue and tried contacting the Board of Nursing but they never picked up the phone. I want to pick my date and test ASAP while the information in my head is still fresh. As far as my routine goes, it feels pretty strange not having to wake up and go to class or clinical. I miss some of my classmates and I hope they are doing well. I am beyond ready to start working. My bills are still piling up. My boyfriend is paying my important ones like my car payment, rent, and so on. I just want to be able to start paying bills on my own again and stop asking for money to pay my bills. I feel like it stresses my boyfriend out because I know good and well it stresses me out. I'm glad that school is over. It was well worth the stress, tears, and smiles. Learning all of the skills I acquired makes me feel awesome. I c

     I did it! I completed LPN school. I am currently waiting for my letter from state to take my NCLEX. I went to a job interview today and it went great! This was a rough 14 months of my life, but it was also the best and it is already paying off.

     Two days ago I signed up for this challenge/experiment to see what my life would be like and what I can accomplish being off of Facebook for 3 months. I am already accomplishing many things without checking my news feed every 30 minutes or being on there for hours due to boredom. I am already noticing that I want to check FB every time I'm bored and have nothing to do. I have debated on trying this challenge for a while and now is a good time to do it. This will give me more time to focus on studying for the NCLEX and looking for a job. I will miss scrolling through the feed when I'm bored. I will not miss seeing the same people complaining about things they could easily change if they got their life together or the people who brag about everything. The site you sign up on gives you an entry on survey about why your taking the challenge and from there they will email you after 33, 66, and 99 days of the challenge. If you have been debating on taking a break from Face

     I can hardly contain my excitement since my LPN pinning ceremony is only 3 days away! We had mock interviews this past Thursday with potential employers and I ended up getting an offer for a second interview which will be on September 1st. They own multiple clinics and work with different positions but the best part is the offer is for a position Monday through Friday, no weekends! After my pinning ceremony I plan on taking a week off to relax and really take in the beginning of my healthcare career journey. I still cannot believe this moment is almost here. I've worked really hard to make it through this program and it was all worth it.

     It seems like yesterday the countdown on my phone for my LPN pinning ceremony said 247 days. We are down to just 14! Today in class we filled out the application for the NCLEX-PN exam and payed for that portion. Basically all we do in this class is take a lot of Kaplan tests and prepare for our role as a nurse and prepare to take the NCLEX. I plan on using Kaplan and the pn mastery app as well. The goal is to obviously pass the NCLEX on the first try. No one plans on or wants to retake it multiple times. I'm mailing my invitations for the ceremony tomorrow. I don't have many people coming for me, but the ones that are coming are the ones that matter most to me and that is what counts. 

     Dollar Tree is the perfect place for anyone to shop, especially when you're on a tight budget! I found some pretty good finds this trip. I'm looking forward to the next one :)

     Being a full time student means that I often run low on cash. I also recently quit my job which doesn't help my financial status. But I thought I would share the two easy ways I make extra money to pay my credit card bill, put gas in my car, or save for a rainy day. The first site is CashCrate. I have been a member for a long time and in all I have made over $100 since joining. You get paid for watching videos, participating in surveys, and much more. They also pay you just for signing up. Here is my referral link if you would like to join and try it out: http://www.cashcrate.com/4652172 . The other site is Inboxdollars. I joined them not too long ago and it is the same principal as CashCrate. They pay you to join and you also get paid for confirming emails, filling out surveys, watching videos, and more. I'm still working on receiving my first check from them. Here is my referral link to join that site as well: http://www.inboxdollars.com/?r=ref24699421&s=7 . The key

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     It is now Wednesday and all I can think about is finances. Why the hell did I up and quit my job? My dad did say I could make the same or more landscaping with him but what am I supposed to do during my off time? Like this week for example. We off from school for a summer break. I wanted to pick up shifts at my job before I quit. The drive was ridiculous and working short every weekend and trying to meet the demands of the administrators and family members was frustrating. But I really should of thought it through before just impulsively quitting. I deferred my car payment this month which is embarrassing and I also missed a month on my car insurance which I didn't know about. That is part of the reason I signed up for auto pay right out of my account but somehow that got messed up and each month I have to call them. That is probably why I missed a payment. I have other things going on in my life and making phone calls tends to get pushed onto the back burner. I have 42 days u

     Yesterday was a sad, frustrating, and hectic day as was the day before. It was my weekend to work and we are ALWAYS short. I had been working on the memory care side for the last month and then yesterday when I looked at the assignment sheet they had put me on the assisted living side by myself for the first time in for ever. So all day I was running around getting people washed up and ready for breakfast and lunch. I did some laundry, changed some bed sheets, and so on. But by 1 p.m. I was exhausted. My feet and legs were killing me from working short Saturday and all day yesterday and they are still hurting today. I basically make around $260 a month since I only work every other weekend. My dad told me on Saturday after work that I could make the same amount of money or more working for him doing landscaping jobs with him. So yesterday I really debated about it and I wrote my notice for the DON saying yesterday was my last day. I was sad because I LOVE my residents. I LOVE bein

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     Today I went to the Peach Festival with my mom and some family friends on Knotts Island, NC. My grandma (Memaw) grew up there and she went to Knotts Island Methodist church. My grandma also inherited a cemetery which I believe my mother owns now since her passing. I visited my great grandma and great grandfathers grave site. I also saw the other sites for the Capps family as well. For the first time, I also went to Pearl's which was a great little bar. The food was good, decently priced, and right on the water. Seeing the island and learning about my family history was so fun and amazing. It was such a great experience. Throughout my life I visited the island with my Memaw but going back today has been the first time in years I have been back since she passed. I wish my Memaw was still here to take me around and tell the stories and history of families and buildings she grew up around. I miss my grandma dearly but today I felt she was with me in spirit. I can't wait to

     Today was payday and due to being short this month, I'm going to have to defer my car payment. I hate doing it but it is what I have to do in order to keep other things in line. I need $40 for my copay at my neurologist appointment Friday, my car insurance is due, and I also have to pay my phone bill. Part of life is learning from your mistakes and I have definitely learned from every single one of mine. I'm hoping my job has some opening this weekend and the week of the fourth since I will be off from school. This current money situation isn't working out. I need more hours. 56 days until I can begin working full time again and slowly start putting all of this debt behind me once and for all!

     Desperate times call for desperate measures! I finally sat down today after class to roll some coins for food and gas money because I'm tired of eating peanut butter and jelly sandwiches for dinner. I only rolled $30 worth because I get paid Wednesday but that whole paycheck is going to pay my car insurance. This month I am going to have to defer my car payment (if they will even let me since I had to last year due to lack of money) because now my next paycheck will not be issued until July. It is embarrassing to have to call them and say that I'm a broke student doing the best I can working part time. I am so over the struggle. This really sucks. I have even thought about picking up evenings again for a few hours if my work needs me just to have that little extra something on my check so I won't have to stoop as low as rolling coins.

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     During the last couple of months it seems as if I have thrown my gym and healthy eating habits out of the window. I have been eating A LOT of ice cream since the weather is really warm and fast food since it is convenient and it is only me because my boyfriend is deployed. I tried on my bathing suits that I bought and I can see all of the areas that I gained back. It upsets me in a way because I worked hard to be healthier but at the same time, I can only blame myself because I know I have been emotionally eating again and that is not good. I eat when I'm bored, stressed, sad, and lately I've been very depressed. I'm tired of being alone and having no one to talk to. My anxiety has also been bad lately and I have no idea why. This has to stop. I really wanted to look good for my boyfriend at homecoming and if I continue to eat this way, I will look like the old me which isn't good.

     Being a full time student always means cash is tight. I work every other weekend and my AMAZING boyfriend sends me some extra money here and there to buy groceries and get by. I always pay my bills before I eat out or spend it on school supplies and such. In the winter time, my power bill is outrageous. It will run anywhere from $150-$280. When the first hint of warm weather rolls around, the heat is shut down and when it gets warmer, the windows go up. It pays off to open the windows because I checked my power bill statement and my bill is only $35! Is this real? I had to do a double take. My house is comfortable to. It isn't like I'm sweating just sitting down and have all of my ceiling fans going. There is a decent breeze. This makes me happy. That means I will have some extra money left on payday to get a new bathing suit and maybe even get my hair trimmed. Saving money and having small bills due (none are better lol) makes me feel great. It depends on the person espec

     I passed! Here is a video with more detail and emotion of the hell I overcame :)

     The beginning of this class really had me wondering if I would even pass and be able to deal with my instructor another mod. It took every ounce of willpower to keep going and strive to pass. It worked! I passed the class with an 83. I only have 10 weeks left of LPN school. 10! Technically only 9 since we have a week off for the fourth of July. I cannot believe I made it. I truthfully thought I would fail and have to repeat the class or switch to nights in order to succeed. This proves to me that anything is possible and to NEVER give up on anything I want no matter how hard it may be!

     This weekend my dad needed some help mulching and trimming bushes for some of his customers. Today wasn't as bad as yesterday. The house we mulched and did bushes for yesterday was on a hill and they had bushes by the water. Since my dad is particular about spreading the mulch a certain way it was my job to load the wheelbarrow with mulch and take it to him. So back and fourth I went. The wheelbarrow was so heavy and with sun bearing down on me it didn't help much. My legs are on fire. It beat going to the gym though. I also got sunburned on my calves, neck, and shoulders. My face isn't too bad. Today we had some bushes to do and then we went to another house to pull a whole bunch of weeds. We didn't finish so we will end up going back there sometime during the week. It was all worth it though. I even got a tip from one of the customers because they saw me working my ass off. I made $130 total which is what I make working the weekend as a CNA. I have $0.67 in my ch

     Warm weather is finally here and my body is not where I want it to be. I started off strong when I first signed up for the gym and then like most, I fell off. I've been so busy with school and trying to pass this class it is kind of hard to think about the gym. I wish my thighs were more toned and my stomach was a little bit more flat but this is all on me. Bathing suit season is pretty much here since the pools always open up on or around Memorial day. I think once I pass this class or if I even get close to passing, I will pick the gym back up. My body looks better to me now then it ever has but it could be better. Oh and since I'm so stressed out I have been turning to my weakness (soda) for comfort which is BAD. I did so well drinking water and now this bad habit is back. I have to stop this. I want to look cute in my bikini this summer. I've worked hard to get to weight/shape I'm at now. I don't want to gain the weight back and be uncomfortable.

     I've been looking into LPN-BSN bridge programs in my area and most if not all of them require Statistics and/or Chemistry. Math is my weakest point. I failed Algebra in high school like two or three times. If I pay off my community college, re-apply if I need to and then start my prerequisites there, I will need to take these math remediation classes that they require before taking an actual math class I need such as Statistics. I really want to go back for my Bachelors at some point because I would love to specialize and work in labor and delivery and postpartum on a mother-baby unit. After that last OB mod and going to the L&D ward, it made me realize I want my Bachelors regardless. LPNs are great, I can't wait to graduate and start working as one. Having your Bachelors will open even more opportunities. It all boils down to whether or not I want to take all of that math just to take the actual math classes I need along with microbiology, anatomy and physiology, and

     Today we took our Pharm 2 Kaplan and I got an 80! That converts to a 94 so it brought my grade up from a 68 to a 74! We still have our Immune test next week and our final the week after so if I get 80 or above on both of those, I just might be able to pass by. This really gives me hope. I'm so glad I didn't quit earlier this week and switch to nights. I feel like I can do this. Regardless, I'm not going down (or passing) this class without a fight!

     Yesterday I ended up leaving my endocrine class early because every one bombed her test yet again except for three people. I left because I'm failing the class with a 66 and Kaplan is tomorrow and if I don't pass it along with the next test and final, I will fail and have to repeat this class. I was very discouraged and upset. I study a lot for her tests and when I fail it is like I wasted brain power for nothing. When I study I make flash cards, highlight in the book and even write in it, and I also study with my classmates. If everyone is pretty much failing the class then there is one common denominator here and it isn't us. I debated on even finishing the term because it will be a waste if I spend all of this time going to clinical and class and have to end up repeating it all over. It took everything in me to wake up this morning and go to clinical. So my new plan is to ride out this term regardless if I fail or pass. If I pass, GREAT! I will only have 10 weeks le

     It is taking every ounce of me to continue this program and finish. 95 days is not very long but battling depression during the process makes everything ten times harder. I am depressed because I have no life, no money, my boyfriend is deployed, and I hate having all of this debt lingering over my head. Plus I can't contribute to my relationship financially due to going to school full time instead of working. I t really sucks that my job doesn't need me on the days I have off from school and clinical. I'm willing to work they just don't need me. I know I've talked about this crap over and over again but it bothers me. 95% of my attitude, sadness, and stress would disappear if I could actually pay this debt off and start making a decent paycheck I want to be able to buy a lot of groceries to cook nice meals for me and my boyfriend. I want to be able to buy him anything he needs or wants. I want to be able to by myself new nursing supplies or Vera Bradley bags. I

     Sitting here on my laptop filling out surveys makes me realize I would be 95% happier if I could actually start paying off some of this debt. I do surveys and stuff on Cashcrate but I want to be able to pay multiple bills at one time. I know I complain about this all the time but it seriously frustrates me. I have a lot of bills that aren't priorities like my car payment, car insurance and such. I want to start paying off my medical bills and I would love to pay off my community college. I send $10-$15 here and there when I can but I'm starting to wonder if that strategy is even worth it. What if I just saved up the total amount I owe for these places that aren't charging me interest (thank you). Some are charging me interest but I try not letting it bother me. I'm also very frustrated because my personal property tax was just sent to me, a nice $129. Where the hell am I going to find that? My money tree? Yeah, okay. The crazy thing is that I thought nursing schoo

     I decided to look at my bank account statement for the month of April and I even glanced at this month too, even though it has just started. I decided to add up all of the money I've wasted on fast food and at other places like my bras from Victoria's Secret ($63.60) during this month and last month. So Aprils total amounted to $208.79. I went to Dunkin Donuts A LOT. I'm sorry but I love their caramel lattes. That is where the main source of spending went, aside from Victoria's Secret. Other than that, I went to McDonald's a few times for apple pies and a McFlurry, 7-11 for junk food (I am so bad), and a few other fast food places probably on the way home from school or during lunch since I was too lazy to pack something or just didn't have enough to buy groceries that week. My total for May so far amounts to $51.75. It is only the 5th day....what the hell? It is all fast food once again. The grand total between last month and this month is $260.54! That is

     During class today I realized that people care about things and worry about things they shouldn't. I keep to myself 99% of the time. If I say my piece on a situation it is most likely because you pressed my buttons somehow. I may not talk much and my resting bitch face is always on point but I'm always listening. People need to stop worrying about what others are doing and start focusing on themselves. These last couple of mods I have became closer to some of my classmates but they know my true team is composed of me, myself and I and that is it. I don't ask others for homework answers or copy work. If I can take the time to complete my projects and assignments, so can you. This is nursing school. This is the real deal. Expecting to go through nursing school not doing hundreds of tests, drug cards, and assignments is ridiculous. Nursing is more than just throwing medicine in a cup and asking someone if they feel sick today. Putting myself first during this program has

     With today being the first day of May and tomorrow is the first day of my new mod, I am beginning with a new outlook and mindset. I am not going to get caught up in the gossip my class is involved in or worry about what others are doing (not like I have done that anyways). I'm going to study very hard and strive to make and maintain an A in this class. Even though the classes ahead of us have warned us about the instructor, I want to learn as much as possible. After this class I will have Neurology and then leadership then I graduate! I cannot believe I am actually this close to finally becoming a LPN. This has been a tough journey along with dealing with other life obstacles like deployment, finances, and depression. But I know that this experience will only make me a stronger person and it will prove to myself and others that I can do anything I set my mind to. I am unstoppable. I can do this and I will do this.

     Today I took my finals for OB/Peds and Lifespan and I passed! I am so extremely happy. This mod was difficult and I had a lot of ups and downs. I'm glad I overcame my depressive state and pushed on to finish. I don't have class, clinical, or work tomorrow or Saturday and Sunday so I am using this weekend to reboot. I m going to refresh my mindset and reset my attitude so I can finish this program strong. I'm going to clean out my backpack and binder and make sure my planner is updated. The class ahead of us has already warned us that the teacher for Endocrine is a shark and she will even deduct time from the sign in sheet if we are not dressed as "clinically ready". That means we have to wear our hair up, white shoes and socks, watch, and our badge. They even said she will make us write scenarios on the board for a whole class if we talk while she is talking. Nursing is serious but jeez. 111 days closer to graduating and being able to take a small break!

     Today we took our OB Kaplan and I made an 83 which converts to a 93! I am hoping it will bring my grade up a little bit more since I am currently sitting at a 81.70. Tomorrow is our finals and I really hope I at least make an 80. It is hard telling what questions will be thrown in there. 112 days left!

     A few weeks ago I made the mistake of buying myself 3 new bras from Victoria's Secret since they were on sale. I have had to eat toast and scrambled eggs pretty much ever since I bought them. I should have used the money for food not bras. I feel stupid. Even though my boyfriend is amazing and sends me money when I'm short, that money he sends goes towards my car payment and car insurance since I only make enough each weekend to pay my phone bill, school loans, and credit card payment. If it wasn't for my boyfriend sending me extra when he feels like I need it, I would literally have no food or gas to put in my car. I wouldn't be making my car payment each month or anything. I have caught up with the important bills and it would such to get put behind again. I literally scrape by even with all of the financial help he gives me. It's embarrassing. It sucks that it takes eating the same thing for weeks for me to realize I need to re-evaluate my impulse spending.

      I have changed a lot of things in my life and the biggest change has been my exercise routine and my diet. Before my boyfriend left for deployment I would limit myself to certain foods and really watch how much of something I ate. He loves Chili's, Chic Fil a, and Chinese food so we ate out to those places a lot. It was good I'm not going to lie about that. It is our thing. We eat fried food, watch Netflix, and snuggle in bed. So when he left, I knew that would be my opportunity to focus on my weight loss and diet plan again. This is my standard diet and things I eat and do even when he is here, and my gym routine. I've never been a breakfast fan early in the morning so I usually brew my own coffee and take it to school with me along with a granola bar, yogurt, or banana. For lunch, I usually eat a salad with lite dressing loaded with cucumber, tomatoes, and green peppers. I will also pack a fruit cup with some rice cakes or some kind of chips like jalapeno or regu

     My grade in L&D went up from a 74 to a 78. Two more points and I will officially be passing. Most of the class is borderline like me, so that makes me feel a little bit better. I know the material and understand the lectures but when it comes to test time sometimes I freeze and sometimes I choose the wrong answers accidentally. Our Kaplan test and final is next week so I'm hoping I do good. I really want to pass and move on. Getting set back is the worst feeling ever. August is so close. It would suck if I bombed this class and had to wait to graduate in October. I just have to stay focused and keep pushing towards the finish line!

     Today in class each student had to present a powerpoint on a chapter in the pediatric section of our book. I had to discuss low flow oxygen administration, oxygen therapy, tracheostomy care, tracheal stoma, mist tent, airway obstruction, and IV administration. It wasn't too bad presenting to only 14 people. I'm hoping it brings my grade up. I've brought it up from a 70 to a 74 but we took another test today (I feel like I did okay on it) and I'm hoping this presentation was an easy "A". She is counting it as a test grade so hopefully it will boost my grade even more. I can't believe our final is next week already. We only have two actual nursing classes left which is endocrine and neuro. After that we move on to leadership which pretty much just prepares us for the NCLEX-PN. This is exciting. I can't believe this journey is just about done. I have been ready to work full time again since I stopped. I can't wait to re-enter the workforce as an

     Today was very unusual. My routine for speaking with my boyfriend is fairly the same. We message each other a little bit in the mornings and in the afternoons and he calls me at night. Well today he messaged me in the afternoon and said he will message or call me later. I have this feeling that maybe he wants space? Maybe he is tired of calling me and hearing about how stressed I am or how boring my day was. I wrote him a message saying that I'm going to give him space. It hurt writing that to him but my gut is telling me to do it.  I feel like a burden to him since he pays my rent and helps me out. He knows I want to work full time again and he knows I hate having financial assistance. I know I'm probably over thinking the situation like I do with everything but this is a bad feeling. First I cried all the time because I was alone and missed him and now I cry and worry that maybe he doesn't want to be with me anymore since I'm depressed a lot.  I don't feel ne

     I have a lot of crap. A few months ago I decided to actually try on every piece of clothing I own and decide whether to keep it or donate it. I ended up donating a huge bag full. Most of the clothes were dresses I wore to hide my huge legs and stomach. Since I've lost so much weight, they didn't even fit in the boob area anymore. The weather is nice now and yesterday I decided to clean my flower beds and make the yard look half decent. Today, I'm doing laundry to get ready for the week and I've been looking in junk drawers and such realizing I have so much crap that I don't even use. This is just phase one of spring cleaning. I plan on cleaning one room per weekend from here on out, that way by the time my boyfriend returns from deployment the house will be squeaky clean. I think part of the reason it looks like I have so much stuff is because of the small space I live in, but at the same time, I really do hoard things I know I will never use again. I guess I j

     Now that I know you read my blog, I want to make an entry dedicated to you. You have no idea how much I miss you. I miss laughing together and watching Netflix. I miss snuggling and having you hold me. I miss sitting on the porch waiting for your truck to come around the corner. I know I don't tell you my feelings very much, but I still get butterflies when you pull me close and hug me. You make me feel important. You accept me for who I am, flaws and medical issues included. Sometimes I feel like I don't deserve you. I am so lucky to have someone like you who shows me what it is actually like to be loved and taken care of. I've been through some very rough patches during this deployment but what keeps me going is that each new day is one day closer to homecoming. I have never cried so much in my life because I feel so lonely even though I know your there for me, you aren't here with me. I'm grateful to give my love to you and make memories with you. You're

     126 days to go until graduation and I'm realizing that the closer it gets, the more agitated and anxious everyone is becoming. This labor and delivery class is not easy and now we started a Lifespan class in the middle of it. Learning nursing skills and terms for antepartum, intrapartum, and postpartum mixed with psychology like types of families and social behavioral issues do not mix. Part of me wishes I could of just gone to a 4 year BSN program and been done but at the same time, I like learning this LPN stuff and I know I will have a good paying job but sometimes it's frustrating trying to stay on top of studying, in class assignments, and homework. I'm ready for this to be over. August is within reach and I just have to keep chugging along.

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     We started our "lifespan" lecture today on chapters 1,2, and 3. It was so BORING. I've already taken this course a few years ago at my community college but since I owe my community college and couldn't request a transcript to get out of it, I'm stuck with it yet again. We basically talked about simple things about life like how important it is to eat right and exercise and use natural ways to relieve stress through breathing techniques and guided imagery. We also talked about how different cultures may want to receive different medical treatment. Like some cultures don't want to use pain medicines, they like to use essential oils and stuff like that. It is interesting information it is just boring the way that my instructor relays it to us. I'm ready to graduate and move on!

     This morning I checked to see how much my next power bill is. It's only $75! That is a huge drop compared to the winter time when it ranged from $226-$280. That makes me feel good knowing I will actually be able to use some of my paycheck to put towards my medical bills! Being a broke student sucks but when good things like this happen, it reminds me that after school is done I will be able to work full time again. The days are really narrowing down with just 128 to go until graduation. The labor and delivery clinical rotation is amazing. I love postpartum in the mother-baby unit. That was the motivation I needed to get my act together and it also helped me decide that at some point in the future, I will be going back for my BSN so I can work in the L&D unit. Nursing school is awesome and I cannot wait to start my career!

     I have seen this beer and the Best Dam Root Beer and debated on buying it for weeks. Today when I went to Food Lion to get snacks for clinical tomorrow, I decided why not? For $10 you get a six pack which is a few dollars cheaper than the Coney Island Root Beer or the Not Your Fathers. But I was disappointed because I expected it to taste more like cola instead of beer. It tastes like beer with a hint of cherry. For people who are not beer fans (myself included), you probably will not like this. If you like beer and cherries, you might like it. This was a miss for me and I will not be repurchasing it. Cheers!

     Today I ordered the textbook for my class from Amazon because my schools new policy is to have all books be Ebooks. I think this is ridiculous. I spent $50 of my OWN hard earned dollars to order it when I could of used that for food or pay on a bill. The school should really consider how people feel before they just decide to make all books electronic. We have to pay for the book regardless. I like having the book in my hand so I can highlight and park pages and look at things as many times as I want. Yes, you can highlight online textbooks and what not but it just isn't the same. I retain information better from an actual book. It took me HOURS to scroll on the iPad that my school issued to find the answers to my workbook last night. Today has all around been a shit day anyway. I feel like giving up because I have no motivation in this mod already. This class has only been in session for a week and a half and I'm already failing. I failed our first test on chapters 3,4, a

     With 19 weeks left of school, my boyfriend being gone due to deployment, and not working full time like I love to do, that leaves a lot of time to surf social media and spend all of my down time looking at Facebook posts and searching Instagram hash tags. I was off from work, school, and clinical today so I had PLENTY of down time. While scrolling through my news feed I realized there are many different people on my friends list. There are the braggers who love flaunting their $400 Michael Kors bags and new cars, houses, and jewelry. There are the complainers who complain about how their marriage is falling apart, they feel sick, they're tired, their kids drive them nuts, and blah blah blah. There are the venters who tell anything and everything going on in their life to the Facebook community. And then there are the people who added me who I haven't talked to since high school but they post once in a while and I feel like the majority of these people on my list only stay

     Today I received an email from my loan officer regarding my school loans. Since I was supposed to graduate last month and didn't, I had to update my enrollment status. I decided to look at my account details and see exactly how much my loan for them was....a whopping $19,933.70. I almost threw up. That is a lot of money. I'm already paying $50 a month on my Sallie Mae loans for school, and now seeing this number makes me nervous. It sucks that I am trying to have a career and make more money to take care of myself and buy myself nice things but for the next 5-10 years of my life it will all go back to paying off my student loans. I am proud to be going to school but at the same time, I see why people don't want to go to college or trade school. Everything in this country costs so much money and it seems like we are being financially punished for wanted a trade or a career with skills. So with all of this being said, I really want to try and work more to start sending p

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     Being a student automatically puts you at risk for bad credit. Due to the debts I have from my previous community college semesters, switching cable and internet companies, and other miscellaneous bills, my credit has been effected. Credit Karma is a decent tool to see a range of where your credit score falls into. Mine according to Equifax is a 617 and the other company they use says it is a 627. I'm not on the completely horrible side, but I'm sort of knocking on the door. I'm truly trying to pay it off. Whenever I have extra money even if it is just $10, that is $10 less that I will owe whoever I decide to send it to. Being an adult sucks sometimes. If I knew back then what I know now, I wouldn't have wasted my paychecks from my first job on the stupid things I did. I also wouldn't have wasted so much time at community college. I would have saved as much as possible to get me out of financial ruts. The biggest part of life is living and learning. I have lear

     My boss just called and asked if I could work Thursday and I accepted it since I need the money. After I hung up I checked my school schedule and saw that my Kaplan reschedule for the nutrition test is Thursday at 10 a.m. This really sucks because I needed the money but school comes first now. I don't want to seem unreliable or anything. I simply forgot, that's all. I really want to pass this Kaplan so that I have none hanging over my head. The most frustrating part about school is that it gets in the way of me working. I have debated switching back to night school so I can work all day, but I like being able to focus on school. Plus I am used to working with a TIGHT budget now and when my boyfriend comes home from deployment, I want to be able to spend as much time with him as possible. 141 days left of this madness....

     I'm a pretty simple person. The smallest things in life make me happy like nature, puppies, and donuts. But today at work, I got very frustrated with my phone because it is getting kind of slow and the USB port to charge it doesn't work so I have to use rechargeable wall batteries. That made me start thinking of things I wanted. It made me start thinking of things I would by myself if I actually had money left over from paychecks and could buy myself something. I know at some point in my life I will actually know what it is like to spoil myself but until then, I will keep this "I want" list in mind: A new phone. I love my Samsung S3 so I will probably get the newest edition of it when time and money allows Vera Bradley bags and a wallet A Victorias Secret bathing suit and some new underwear and bras New jeans that fit since I've lost so much weight A new hair straightner A flat screen for my living room (yes I currently have a big ole box boob tube) A

     Today I passed the cardiac mod! It was the hardest mod I have encountered during this whole nursing program but that is understandable because the heart is a VERY important and vital organ. Along with learning about CHF (congestive heart failure), arrhythmias, dysrythmias, and how to place EKG leads and read the strips, we also learned about IV therapy. IV therapy consists of learning how to set up an IV, change the tubing, and discontinue. We also learned how to spike bags and start antibiotic drips. The end of the mod consisted of learning about blood disorders, the main one being the different types of anemias. I could write a book about what I learned this mod, but I figured it would be easier to just share my vlog. Yes this video is long, it is longer than most of my vlogs, but I tried to give a lot of information to help fellow students or people that are just curious :)

     With 20 weeks left of school (hopefully I pass my final tomorrow), I have been making a mental list of things I want to do once I graduate. That list includes: Taking a week off from EVERYTHING. No work, stress, bills, or job searching. My mind needs to take a break. Study for the NLCEX and hopefully pass on the first try! Once my mental break is over and I pass the NLCEX, I will start applying for every entry level LPN job I come across. I will work full time again as a CNA until I land a job as an LPN.  Start paying off my debt immediatley Save money. I don't know what I will be saving for but it can be for a new truck, a safety net, or just emergency funds. It really made me sad that I closed my savings account last month because I literally only has $0.10. It would be nice to know I have a backup if I need it.       Even though that list isn't very big, it gives me something to look forward to. The main thing is graduating. I cannot wait to be done with LPN sc

     As I sit here writing my concept map that is due tomorrow at clinical. I can't stop thinking about the things I wanted to get done around my house before my boyfriend comes home from deployment. He isn't coming home yet but I know it will come sooner than I think. Money is tight due to me only working every other weekend, and picking up weekend days when they need me. Some things on my list might not seem "expensive" to some people, but to a broke student, they are. I wanted to buy a new front door and storm door since mine is old and beat up. It is also dirty and really old. It needs to be upgraded. I also wanted new deck furniture with cushions, new pillows for our bed, and a new comforter with some new sheets and pillow shams. The main thing I am trying to save for is a gift card to Tractor Supply Co. for him to buy a new pair of cowboy boots. He deserves them. He takes great care of me and his current ones are all beat up and worn. I still have some time but

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     I have been working and paying bills since I was 15. I've never been scared to get my hands dirty and work hard for the things I want. When I met my current boyfriend I was working two full time jobs. When I applied to nursing school and got accepted quicker than expected, all of that changed. I tried continuing to work both jobs and go to school at night but that reflected in my grades and GPA. When my boyfriend offered to pay rent and help me financially I initially hated the idea because I had been financially dependent on myself for so long. I was used to paying all of my bills and pinching every penny to make my ends meet. I got accustomed to doing everything for myself and depending on no one to help me. Financial stress has always been my stressor. Even when I worked both full time jobs there would still be times when I didn't think I'd be able to eat that month or pay my power bill, but somehow I made it happen. When my boyfriend started paying my rent, mowing

     Tonight I tried the Cackle Spackle Detox Face Mask on my blackhead troubled areas. First off let me say that the spearmint smells amazing and you can feel it going to work pulling out the toxins and other bad junk from your skin. I left it on for 10 minutes and then rinsed it off in the shower. I applied my facial moisturizer after I was done rinsing it off. I didn't experience any redness or burning. My face feels soft and smooth. I plan on using this mask again on Friday after the gym. Purchase your Cackle Spackle here.

     Nursing school isn't hard. What's hard is trying to balance a social life, school work, clinical, sleep, and work all at one time. In between that time, some people like to go to the gym, shop, run, and hike. I am very tired so I like to try and take naps after clinical or a long lecture. Each time, it is ruined by something. Loud music from people driving by, people hitting the pot holes, the neighbors kids being loud and obnoxious, phone calls, texts, Facebook notifications, and lastly, loud ass jets since I live near a base. Every day it happens. I will have a quite ride home and it will be quite while I'm doing laundry or cleaning. As soon as my head hits my pillows, it's a wrap. I'm tired of having to wake up at different times to go to school, clinical or work. I'm tired of studying for days before tests and trying to remember key things for the tests. You know what else I'm tired of? Kaplan questions, Saunders questions, unpaid clinical, people w

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     Cardiac is by far the hardest class in nursing school. We have to learn the anatomy and physiology of the heart, the terminology, how to read EKG strips, IV therapy, diseases of the blood, and all kinds of other things. We are pretty much at mid term and I am sitting at a 76. We have to have an 80 to pass. I took a break from school one time due to failing and if I fail this class and have to sit out until a new class starts, I just might not go back. It is draining. I sit in class and work at clinical (for free) all week when I could get paid at my job and start paying off my bills. I love nursing school and I'm trying but this is hard. I really don't think I will want to redo this mod and re-learn it all and have to take the quizzes and tests again. I am one of the more fortunate people though. Some people in my class have even lower grades than I do. Once you reach a grade below a 75, 70 is pushing it, it is VERY difficult to make a comeback and at least pass by the ski

     Joining Perfectly Posh has been the most positive experience ever! I'm so glad to be able to pamper people with amazing skin care, hair care, and lip care products made from naturally based ingredients from the comfort of my own home! I own my own Posh business and that makes me feel proud. Buying a kit is completely worth the money because you get all of the essentials to start your business including a FREE website. Also in your kit, you will receive Posh Papers (our catalogs), lacons for your samples to go in, bath bar chunk samples, and more! Payday is every Wednesday. Our products are made in the USA, never tested on animals, shipping is a flat fee of $5, and every product is $25 or under. For $99 you get over $250 worth of products to give samples to potential clientele. There are two kits to choose from and the choice is completely up to you. Above are pictures of the two kits we are offering this month.  We are always recruiting awesome consultants so come join the

     Mondays suck. I have never liked them like most people. I always refer to them as "Manic Monday" because 99% of the time, they are. We started our new clinical rotation today and that really made me question if I want to continue this nursing school boot camp. We pretty much do everything a CNA does and I would know because I am one. I decided to go to nursing school to do more but it seems like anytime we have a rotation, I feel like I'm at work. We don't pass medications, do treatments, or anything accept bed baths, brief changes, and transfers. Aside from complaining about that, I also decided I am tired of this "full time student" struggle. I hate eating Ramen and peanut butter and jelly sandwiches most nights. I want to be able to buy real food. I want to buy the healthy foods I love like salad mix, fresh fruits, and vegetables. It sucks when you want to eat healthy food but can't afford it so you eat whatever is lurking in your cabinets or pan

     For this being my first military relationship, I'd say I do fairly well. I got used to the 2 week under ways and duty days quickly. It is all apart of his job. But this is my first deployment and his as well. It gets very lonely and boring not having him here to play around with me or lay in bed with me. I always make it home before him and  would sit on my porch waiting for his truck to turn the corner. I miss picking up after him, doing his laundry and riding everywhere with him. I miss cooking for him and going out to eat. I miss snuggling in bed and watching Netflix while we eat doughnut holes and drink milk. But the biggest thing I miss is hearing his footsteps throughout the house and having him hold me. I just want to be held. I know when his homecoming is finally here, I will not be able to contain my excitement. I will hoard him away from the world for days just so I can smell him, hold him, kiss him, and love him.

     Life is always going to throw curve balls, sometimes when we least expect it. The one thing I have learned after facing all of the challenges I've been through in just 24 years of life is to never give up. The curve balls life has thrown at me throughout the years is the main reason I strive to be independent and work hard. No matter what goals I set for myself, I work hard to make those around me proud and especially myself. Some months, I don't even know how I'm going to put gas in my car or pay my car note. Amazingly it all works out some how and it falls into place. I keep telling myself I'm doing what I can. I'm going to school to better myself, have an amazing career, and help those in need. I love school. I love being a CNA. I love depending on myself to pay my bills and put food in my gut. Once I'm a nurse and I actually make a decent wage per hour, most of my financial stress will go away. We all have those days when we want to quit, give up, or th

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     The end of another term has arrived! This was one of the best terms since the start of my program. I learned so much. Next term to conquer is Cardiac which starts on Monday. I am 185 days closer to graduating and being able to hopefully pass the nclex on the first try :)

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     Hey guys! I thought I would make a video explaining Perfectly Posh a little bit more and also share my excitement! Since signing up, this is all I talk about and I cannot wait to get my consultant kit. I've only been on board for like 5 days and I have sold $41 worth of products! This is going to be a great opportunity and you should join. I have a legit website now: http://poshandconquer.com/ and I also have a Facebook page you can like to keep up with sales, featured item of the week, and new products: https://www.facebook.com/poshandconquer Thanks for watching :)

     Today I have had no motivation to do anything. I cleaned a little bit but that is all. The worst is that I have eaten my feelings all day and I'm slowly sinking into a depressive phase. I go through these phases sometimes and I always manage to get myself out eventually. There are many reason why I'm feeling depressed and lonely. My boyfriend is deployed, I am legally not allowed to drive for the next four months due to my neurological issues, and tonight I realized I have absolutely no friends. Yes I have my family and I love them, but that is all I have. I don't have any girlfriends (or guy friends for that matter) to call and say "hey let's go out" or "let's grab lunch". It's literally just me. The only good thing about being a loner is that I have all the time in the world to focus on myself and school, which is pretty important. But there are times, like tonight, where I feel like being social and want to go out and dance and grab s

     Working a dead end job gets old and it can get old quick. A lot of stay at home moms want to make extra income but don't know how. A lot of college students want to work while in school but can't because their grades will drop. I debated joining this company and I finally bit the bullet and bought a Perfectly Posh consultant kit. For those of you who have never heard of this company, let me give you a little bit of background. The company is based out of Utah and they do not test their products on animals. Their products are also naturally based from ingredients that come from essential oils, fruits, and plants. Every item is under $25 so you can get quality skin care for a good price.      So why did I finally join? Well, for starters the packaging of the products alone makes me want to buy them. I also want to promote products that are great for your skin because I have had my issues with acne and dryness. The kit is pricey, especially to a full time student who is brok

     At some point in just about every ones life, we need extra money to get by. Whether it's for bills, car maintenance, or food. With me being a full time student and having a recent medical issue, I'm down on my luck and need cash now. So without further a due, I'm going to offer some information about an affiliate program that I joined and I think you guys would like it too.      So first things first. This program will allow you to work from the comfort of your own home or the Starbucks cafe nearest you, which ever you prefer. You are given a free website and the software with your back office with all of your affiliate links for free as well. Commission is paid via PayPal only and payday is EVERY Friday. Who wouldn't want to get paid each week, right before the weekend? Exactly. You receive a commission for selling the gifts as well as signing up members on your sales team. There are plenty of Facebook groups as well to help answer any questions should you have t

     Today I went to my follow up appointment at my neurologist. My MRI and EEG came back normal. I have no bleeding, lesions, masses, or tumors. He also said my brain waves were normal and that no epileptic activity was recorded. The only bad news out of this visit was that I still have to wait 4 more months before I can be cleared to drive again and that if I was not medicated, then of course I will have recurrent seizures throughout my life whether it be tomorrow, next month, or next year. So he prescribed Keppra. It is a common drug for epileptics and he said it is the most popular. Another good thing about this drug is that it will also help with my anxiety he said since I have become increasingly anxious since my last episode. So all in all, the visit was not as bad as I thought since I always think of the worst. I guess I can call myself a "partial" epileptic since my episodes are so spaced out. Have a great weekend.

     Today was a very productive day. I mailed my boyfriends care package and Valentines Day card and then later I went with my Aunt to sign up at Planet Fitness! I was so excited to sign up. I have never really been a gym member before. I had a card for the rec center but I used that primarily for swimming, not working out. We paid $39 down and it will be $10 a month from here on out. We received a t-shirt, sticker, and pen. We also got a schedule for the personal trainer they offer (for free) 5 days a week. WE both walked briskly on the treadmill for 30 minutes then we walked on the stair climber for 10. This is a good start for me since I want to lose about 5 more pounds and be in shape before my boyfriend comes home from deployment in June. My Aunts motivation is her kids. Her son graduates law school in May and she is flying there to see him walk across the stage. His sister will also be there and they have no idea she wants to shed some pounds and get in better, healthier shape.